


Through Hell And Heaven

by Kal213



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angel Wings, Angels Being Assholes (Good Omens), Angels are assholes, Angels vs. Demons, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Caring Aziraphale (Good Omens), Christmas, Crowley Has Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley Has Memory Loss, Crowley Has Two Penises (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Demon Hunters, Demonic Possession, Demons, Demons Are Assholes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Crowley, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), LLF Comment Project, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Violence, No beta we fall like Crowley, Oblivious Crowley (Good Omens), Possessive Crowley, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Post-Canon, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Supernatural hunter Crowley, Top Crowley (Good Omens), Violence, Water Guns, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:22:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kal213/pseuds/Kal213
Summary: Betraying your own species once, most demons did that, but Crowley did it twice. Where does the ex-demon, ex-angel, find freedom? Earth. But the price of freedom is steep, and Crowley feels ready to pay it. It's not like he has anything hell could use against him. Or at least that he can remember. Somethings are always ineffable though, when Crowley saunters into a bookshop he meets Az Fell. Crowley is willing to do anything for this human. But is Az Fell truly just a human? And why does everyone keep reminding Crowley he's going to die alone?
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Woooo. Here we go my dudes. I spent way too much time on this and not enough time sleeping. 
> 
> I own my intellectual work and do not consent to this being placed anywhere but Ao3, unedited (We fall like Crowley), all that jazz. Comment, Kudo/Like, Subscribe/Reblog, and Enjoy~!
> 
> Tumblr: kalfandomtime.tumblr.com

#

There was something calming about looking down at a dead body. Of course it would have been better had the human survived but that wasn’t really the point. The point was information, and the demon who’d possessed the human had given him some now all that was left was a body, since the human was dead. There was a slight hum in the air as the red haired man dragged the body out of the warehouse and onto a tarp. The tarp was rolled up, weighed down and shoved into the River Thames. Someone would find it later and the death would be a stab wound years before the red haired man got to him. Demons did tend to ride their vessels hard; although, Angels weren’t saints either. 

Centuries ago the red headed man was known as Crawly, now he was known as Crowley. His memory was limited and though every person, demon, human and angel, he came across told him he was a bad person. Crowley never truly felt like a bad person. Humans do tend to say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It wasn’t that Crowley didn’t do good things, one would say he did better things than most since he exorcised demons, hunted monsters, and saved people. Deep down he could still feel the fact that he wasn’t pure like humans. 

“Crawly,” a deep raspy voice spoke behind him. Crowley turned around like he was dancing, not a care in the world. “You should answer for your sins against demon kind.” The demon wasn’t wearing a human suit. This form couldn’t be kept up unless you had great power, this demon didn’t given the only demonic thing about him was his two curled horns.

“You should leave before I get angry random demon number one million three thousand and two,” Crowley ridiculed the demon walking back to his 1933 Bentley. 

“You are a traitor, you do not belong in Hell, and you do not belong in Heaven. You are an immortal with no home. You do not scare us!” The demon spat as Crowley pulled out a gun from the Bentley's back seat sadly it was unloaded but the demon wouldn’t know that. “I am,”

“Random demon number one million three thousand and two. Something to do with goats given your curly horns. I don’t care.” Crowley shrugged, pointing the gun at the demon. “Get lost or I’ll send you back to hell screaming.” 

“You will always live a lonely existence as long as you walk the mortal plane,” The demon seethed and Crowley pulled the trigger. The demon quickly disappeared into burning flames going deep into the ground before the bullet met its target. Even if Crowley had hit his mark with a bullet, the demon would have technically survived. Crowley also would have had to dig the bullet out of the demon’s body after torturing it. Since he hadn’t fired a bullet he didn’t have to go looking for the bullet he’d wasted. 

Now he needed to do some research on the demon that had declared war on him. If only the library didn’t have thousands of stories on demons with horns. With his glasses on he got into his car and traveled to the library. The library was filled with books and he’d memorized almost all of the ones he cared about at this point. With the refresh of what he had already known, Crowley was able to narrow down the demon that appeared to him. 

A Noonday Demon. This demon was essentially a gatekeeper to all of the restless and corrupted souls in hell. For the first time in a decade, Crowley was slightly worried. If the Noonday Demon sent all the demons he kept behind the gate from hell at him. Crowley was in for one hell of a fight. He needed something to gain the upper hand and just making a few traps wouldn’t be sufficient. With that in mind, he went to a few bookshops to increase his arsenal against demons. None of the bookstores had anything in them he already didn’t know. 

A.Z. FELL AND Co. The bookshop was never open when Crowley was around or when he needed it to be. The hours were convoluted at best. Who opened their store at ‘9:30 or perhaps 10am. While occasionally I open the shop as early as 8, I have been known not to open until 1, except on Tuesdays.' And if that wasn’t good enough, closing time ranged as much as opening time. ‘I tend to close about 3:30pm, or earlier if something needs tending to. However, I might occasionally keep the shop open until 8 or 9 at night, you never know when you might need some light reading.’ The inconsistency drove Crowley mad.

Today was his lucky day though, the shop was open. What Crowley didn’t expect walking into the shop was seeing piles and piles of books. It didn’t look anything like most bookstores or libraries. This was someone who didn’t care about selling any books at all. The business hours already lead anyone to suspect that much, but the inside of the bookstore proved it. Crowley didn’t care though, he didn’t even have to buy the book as long as he could read it and find what he needed.

“Sorry we are about to close,” a man in a tan suit walked into the center of the round room. There were three conclusions Crowley made seeing the man, that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. The only thing that bugged him at all was that he knew this man. He didn’t know how or why but Crowley was convinced he knew the bookseller known as A.Z. Fell. “You should come back tomorrow.”

“But A.Z. Fell I only require one book,” Crowley walked in going to one of the book shelves. He quickly looked at the titles searching for a book that would fit what he needed. 

“What book is it? I can tell you if we have it or not right now,” he spoke quickly, Crowley smirking, seeing how uncomfortable the man was. People were never comfortable around him, a demon had once told him he’d always live a lonely existence. That Crowley had somehow chosen this life over any other. 

“I’ve been wanting to come here for what feels like decades. You’re always closed when I walk by. I have never really gotten the chance to be here. I need the angelical language volume 3,” Crowley picked up a book staring at it closely. All of this felt so familiar and yet so far away. 

“There isn’t a third volume to the Angelical Language,” A.Z. Fell stiffened at Crowley’s words. The red haired man tilted his head putting the book down stepping closer. For every step forward A.Z. Fell took a step back until his back hit one of the pillars. 

“I am not going to hurt you mister A.Z. Fell. And, there is a third volume but it wasn’t published through the same company. It’s company collapsed soon after so only a few of them were made,” Crowley had done his research. He wasn’t going to be caught dead without having some warding against angels. Since demons were once Angels, Angel warding worked against demons as well. The warding couldn’t be too powerful though or Crowley felt his skin burn and couldn’t look at the ward or his eyes would begin to burn.

“Your proximity speaks otherwise,” A.Z. Fell mentioned sliding away off the pillar. “I don’t have it. Maybe you should try another bookstore.” 

Over the decades, Crowley had gotten really good at reading body language and knowing when people were lying to him. A.Z. Fell’s quirks were different and yet Crowley could still read him like one of the bookseller’s open books. Crowley followed the man who had placed his back against a bookshelf. The bookseller stiffened even more as Crowley reached behind him, feeling the titles of the books and pulled out three identical books. Angelical Language Volume I, II, and III. 

“Thank you for your help,” Crowley’s voice tinged with sarcasm as he handed over I and II. “How much?”

“It’s not for sale!” A.Z. Fell quickly spoke his cheeks slightly puffed. _Oh, he was adorable._ Decades and decades ago, Crowley would have wanted nothing but to steal him away and eat him in more ways than one.

“Do you have a copy machine then?” Crowley asked the bookseller. A.Z. Fell should never play poker. His face spoke of his every emotion and confusion, was the most prominent one at the moment. “I’d like to copy a few pages.” 

“Oh. Well I think that would be okay if you do not want to buy it,” A.Z. Fell was nervous now, but there was something else, he seemed, hurt. 

“If you can’t bear to part with it I don’t see why I should be the one to take it away from you,” Crowley shrugged opening the book quickly skimming it for the pages he’d want copied. Grabbing a post it note cube, he put a post it on every page he’d want copied. 

“You’ll have to wait as I copy the pages you need,” A.Z. Fell seemed calm for the first time in Crowley’s presence. Yet, the bookseller still hadn’t dropped his guard. 

“Of course,” Crowley shrugged. The red-haired man grabbed one last post it writing his name, _Anthony J. Crowley_ , and number on the post it. He put the post it on the book cover and handed the book over to the bookseller. 

“What’s this?” A.Z. Fell asked looking at the post it note with Crowley’s number on it. 

“I intend to pay you?” Crowley looked confused, had no one ever given their number to the bookseller. “I figured we could meet for lunch and you can tell me how much I should be paying for the pages. Then I could pay you over dinner.” 

“That’s really not necessary, I can tell you how much it would be right now,” A.Z. Fell was flustered. At least he had been asked on a date before. 

“Alright but at least allow me to take you to dinner,” Crowley smiled as the bookseller’s face flushed slightly. The chances of A.Z. Fell actually saying yes were slim to none. Even Crowley’s track record of how many people he’d proposed to date him didn’t speak highly of himself. 

The list, over centuries, had five names. Three of them he had already been seeing frequently before even asking out. Only one of the five had agreed to date him, and that only lasted three months before Crowley had to fake his death and leave the country. Yet over the years it seemed that his leaving was better for the man than anything else. Shakespeare’s sonnets were truly something to behold even now centuries later. 

“Alright,” A.Z. Fell nodded and quickly disappeared into a back room. 

The red head was stunned. There was something about the way the bookstore owner hadn’t even truly thought about the proposition for very long that made Crowley unbelievably happy. Maybe the demon who had told him that he would live a lonely existence was lying. Even if in Crowley’s bones he knew the demon was telling him the truth. 

Crowley would spend his entire existence alone. It wasn’t until he looked up the demon who had told him this the first time he knew that his history was an intricate labyrinth that had been sealed away from him. Somehow, in his long path of life, Crowley made a mistake. To this day he didn’t know what it was or why he had made the decision to defy his entire species. But he did it. Twice. All he remembered was being unbelievably angry when his memories had been taken away. He knew deep down that they were special. That, above all, they were his. 

The ex-Demon didn’t always make the best decisions when his emotions raged. The first time he defied his species was when he followed Lucifer and sauntered vaguely downward into hell. While others had truly become fallen angels, Crowley never truly felt that way. His face didn’t rot like other demons, and his vessel never became truly demonic like the others. The second time he defied his species Crowley didn’t saunter out. Falling also wasn’t an option, had Crowley fallen he would have ended up in the pit and that wasn’t an option. Instead, the demon did the unthinkable and was raised out of hell. It didn’t matter though, the angels would never take him back even if the demons cast him out. 

That was fifty years ago. Now, he had generally accepted the lost memories, although the demons kept thinking he’d go back for them some day. Someday Crowley probably would. The temptation of his memories holding something he shouldn’t know was too big a score. Beelzebub himself has made the promise that Crowley would live a lonely existence. A.Z. Fell would be an angel if he truly broke the curse that was Crowley’s lonely existence. 

“Here you are,” the bookseller walked up, holding the twenty some pages Crowley had marked. “May I ask why you are interested in enochian?” 

“You can,” Crowley grinned waiting for the bookseller to actually ask. 

“Why are you interested in enochian?” A.Z. Fell finally gave in after a few minutes of standing in silence with the redhead grinning like a cat that had caught a canary. 

“I enjoy the language of the Angels. The sigils and true magick of it is theoretical but it makes for good designs.” Crowley looked over the pages as A.Z. Fell stood in front of him. “Do I still peak your interest?”

“Very much so. Enochian is something very close to me. I have most of the books specifying in angels and Enochian. I even have books on prophecies that mention angels coming to earth.” A.Z. Fell looked very proud of himself as he talked, a small smile on his lips. 

“Should I call you Angel then?” Crowley teased, the bookseller looking taken aback. “You act more like an Angel than those described in most of these books.” 

“Why would you say that?” A.Z. Fell sounded quiet, like he was trying to keep something to himself. 

“Most of them are complete and utter assholes. Aren’t Angels supposed to be benevolent? One did comfort Jesus Christ and yet in most books they are warriors, soldiers all to a higher power and plan that isn’t really drawn out much. You’ve been more tolerant and kind hearted to me than anyone has been in a very long time.” Crowley explained a blush forming on the others face, “So if you don’t mind it instead of calling you A.Z. Fell I’ll call you Angel. Especially since a book on angels did bring me here to you.” 

“Alright,” A.Z. Fell nodded watching Crowley. “When did you want to have dinner together?” The other asked quickly as if trying not to lose his confidence. 

“What are you doing in a few hours?” Crowley asked curiously. A few hours would give him enough time to set up a few traps for the Noonday Demon. Maybe Crowley could even send the demon to hell and trap it there for a few decades. 

“I could be tempted to come to dinner with you,” the bookseller smiled at Crowley. In all of Crowley’s years he’d tempted humans to do lots of things. Having one who hadn’t actually been tempted say that they would be felt glorious and awful at the same time. “I’ll be here, just knock on the door when you’re ready for dinner?” 

“Sounds perfect,” Crowley nodded and started walking to the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others face fall slightly at the notion. 

“Did I say something wrong?” A.Z. asked curiously. 

“Not at all. My mind was just elsewhere: Demons to hunt, Angels to kill. You know, people to kill, the usual,” Crowley winked at the bookseller whose face flushed. “Of course I would never harm you Angel.”

“I know,” the small smile on the white haired man’s face made Crowley melt. Nothing that cute, and innocent should be eaten. Mind you, Crowley was still going to try to get a taste of him, but at this point it was basically in his demonic contract to corrupt something so innocent. 

“Good,” Crowley nodded. The convoluted demon pushed the book store door open stepping out onto the street. Demons weren’t going to stay away on their own after making threats like the one the Noonday Demon gave. 

Part of Crowley wished that Beelzebub would just forgive him and he could go back to being a demon again and enjoy his freedom. That could never happen, he’d be dipped in Holy Water before they truly trusted him again. If he was dipped in Holy Water he’d die a painful horrible death too and Crowley was very fond of living. Another smaller part of Crowley wished that Beelzebub would just attack him so they could fight. Beelzebub was supposed to be stronger than Crowley, he was supposed to be stronger than every demon. Sometimes that wasn’t the case and others could fight for other people’s spots.

While Crowley was a Demon of good standing, he was below the Knights of Hell, but the Knights knew that if they had challenged him they would have lost. Now the Knights knew challenging him was a death sentence. Crowley had reason to kill them. When they came after him Crowley was allowed to protect himself, and he was very good at protecting himself. 

The apartment Crowley stayed at was modern. There were small momentos around the place, some from memories Crowley couldn’t seem to remember. Walking into his office he sat at his desk putting his feet up and taking off his glasses. Snake eyes landed on his houseplants who shook in fear under his glare. A split tongue left his mouth tasting their fear in the air. Everything was right in his apartment. Until it wasn’t. 

“Hastur. Of what do I owe the pleasure?” Crowley asked as the pale-skinned demon walked into his office, flies buzzing around his head. The Demon was the lord of the flies and the Duke of Hell. The worst part of Hastur though was his flies, they made annoying sounds and didn’t even always follow him.

“A Demon came to see you this morning. He will not be coming after you again,” Hastur spoke confidently. The excitement in the Demon’s black eyes is what worried Crowley though, This was why Crowley’s own eyes were covered with sunglasses more often than not. Eyes are the windows to their soul after all, when one knew how to read the road map they could read everything about you. 

“Oh? And how can I trust you?” Crowley asked, and Hastur smiled slightly. “You could be here to kill me as well.” 

“I am not here to kill you serpent. Although it'd be a funny old world if demons went around trusting each other.” Hastur quoted his late friend Ligur. Crowley had killed the demon for coming too close. The flies were buzzing around and landing on Crowley’s house plants. “I am here to warn you since you do not remember.” 

“Thanks but no thanks,” Crowley brought his feet to the floor. He grabbed his glasses and put them on. “No offense but you are a demon.”

“And once upon a time you were too. That is the only reason I am here,” Hastur glared at Crowley. “I need you to understand that things are happening again, you should just go back to what you were doing before this day happened. Or would you rather Beelzebub remove more of your memories?”

“Their mine!” Crowley hissed out his tongue, flicking angrily. “Let’s assume I understand why my memory keeps getting wiped. You continue doing this and I will make my way back to hell to lock every demon down there for millennium to come. All I am aware of is the fact that I did the same thing I do every day. I save people from demons and I tempt people into hell. Just because you taint their vessels doesn’t mean they go to hell you insufferable fool!”

“Your anger is getting the better of you again Crawly,” Hastur scoffed enjoying Crowley’s outburst. The Serpent didn’t get angry often so those who did anger him didn’t tend to live very long or at least live to tell the story. Hastur would get to do both. “Listen to the words we keep telling you.”

“My name is Crowley,” Crowley hissed out. The ex demon pulled out a water gun from under his desk standing up and pointing it at Hastur who’s eyes went dark, worried for his safety and probably remembering seeing his own friend die by Holy Water. “Make your point Hastur.” 

“You wouldn’t. I am a Knight of Hell,” Hastur glared at Crowley who didn’t back down. “My point is that you will always live a lonely existence as you walk the mortal plane.”

“I’ve heard it tell me something I don’t know,” Crowley pumped the water gun. “Five,”

“You can’t be serious!” Hastur shouted. 

“Four,”

“I can just leave you know that Crawly!” Hastur pointed to the open doors. 

“Three,” Crowley his a button the doors shutting. The wards on the door shining bright, successfully trapping both Demons in the room. 

“I can kill you too if you are threatening me like this,” Hastur shouted at Crowley. Neither of them wanted to back down.

“Two,” Crowley warned. His hand prepped to squirt Hastur with the Holy Water inside the water gun. 

“The man you met is why your memories were taken!” Hastur shouted and Crowley paused, looking up at the other demon. “You two seem to meet all the time, and he corrupts you away from us, from being a demon. It was only recently that it got bad enough that Beelzebub decided to,” Hastur paused, “Reset you.”

“What is he?” Crowley asked curiously. Corrupting a demon was a serious crime and only other demons could do it. For the seemingly innocent he was referring to as Angel, to be a demon that Crowley couldn’t see was interesting. 

“Human,” Hastur answered. “You were always Beelzebub’s favorite, even now he thinks of forgiving you.” 

“Human’s can’t corrupt demons. Although I’m far from a demon now aren’t I?” Crowley scoffed, sitting back down, putting the water gun back under his desk and his legs up, hitting the door button, releasing them from the room. 

“Your bath proved that point. No need to remind us,” Hastur growled out. The demon sighed looking around. “Your home smells.” 

“That’s the point,” Crowley rolled his eyes looking at the photocopied pages. “It doesn’t smell like brimstone and decay. It smells neutrally.” In reality the smell was old books, sandalwood, and other earthy and tree scents.

“Stay away from the human Crawly,” Hastur warned disappearing into the ground as burning flames. If they hadn’t been in Crowley’s home the snake demon wouldn’t have minded the disappearing act. Since they were the disappearing act left a black scorch mark on Crowley’s otherwise perfect marble floor. 

The plants shuttered watching Crowley glare at the mark until he swished his hand, miracling the stain away. Talking with the Knights always gave him useful information, this talk had told him that the human he had asked out apparently was his downfall. But that wasn’t even the most interesting part about the conversation. It was the part about Crowley bathing in Holy Water that caught the serpent’s attention. 

That tidbit of memory Crowley didn’t remember, and Crowley himself had been burned in an accident by Holy Water just last week. So how did Crowley manage to take a bath in the stuff when he couldn’t even fill a water gun with it and manage not to burn himself. The more Crowley learned about his memories, the greater the drift he had from them. If he gained his memories back learning what he had forgotten would he like the decision he had made? Would he still want to hunt demons and angels alike? If he decided not to have them and stayed away from the human than everything would stay the same. Crowley would be alone for his entire existence. 

Having wasted enough time talking to Ligur and creating sigils, Crowley finally decided to get dressed. What did one wear to a first date? He couldn’t be too posh but Az Angel would probably be wearing the suit he wore too. Technically Crowley shouldn’t have changed his clothing. But when he ended up getting paint on his outfit, Crowley did have to change. With the new set of clothing on that looked exactly the same as his last outfit the changing of his outfits didn’t matter. 

With his outfit changed, the sigils drawn, his plants watered, and only slightly insulted. The plants did stand up straighter and look greener, their fear made them grow better. The demon decided it was probably time to go pick up and see his Angel for dinner. 

Was Crowley supposed to know where they were going for dinner? The demon had a fear that he’d actively have to pick something. Worse, Crowley would probably have to eat. Since Crowley was a snake demon he usually got very tired after eating. He had developed a habit of not eating unless he was in his own home. That way he could pass out if he needed to. Now, driving to a dinner date with an Angel, he was slightly worried. 

The Ritz was a good place. The Ritz was the type of place his angel would like, the decor seemed right up his alley and the food was good. Crowley would take him to the Ritz and only pick at his food or order very little. That way he didn’t get too tired, besides he wasn’t that hungry anyway, his attention should be only on the Angel too. 

“Ready for dinner? I hope you don’t mind eating at the Ritz,” Crowley asked when the Angel opened the door. 

“Yes,” the other smiled. “The Ritz is an excellent choice.” 

They acquired the best table and with one question the Angel started talking. Right now he was currently talking about all the books he had in his bookshop. The angel even admitted that it was more a way for him to collect books, although he did part with a few every so often. The ones he did part with weren’t first editions or rare. Crowley’s Angel didn’t pester him on eating either, the Angel did seem to enjoy food though. 

All of this seemed surprisingly familiar too. Sitting at the Ritz under a chandelier, eating with the blonde male next to him. Ligur did mention the human was his downfall before. Maybe he had done this before. Taken the human to dinner before. Crowley for a moment thought about going back to Hell. All of this confusion and deja vu drove the demon nuts. He needed to know if he had done this before, he needed his memories back. 

“Are you alright?” The angel asked cautiously, looking at Crowley’s pensive face. 

“Hm? Oh yes. Hopefully everything was good?” Crowley asked, smiling slightly at the angel who nodded. 

“Everything was scrumptious thank you,” Angel smiled at Crowley. “What has you so deep in thought?”

“I felt as if I were having deja vu. Like I had met you before. That we have had come here before,” Crowley admitted and the Angel didn’t look surprised. Actually the bookseller looked relieved which caused the Demon’s eyebrows to furrow. “I don’t remember some things we haven’t actually met before have we?” 

“I was feeling the same way. How did you lose your memory?” Angel asked curiously. 

“My boss took it away from me. Not all of it but some of it… Apparently I took a bath in Holy Water in his presence which I don’t remember either. I’m lucky he hasn’t technically fired me,” Crowley scoffed as he paid for dinner. “I must be boring you.”

“Not at all. I thought you were bored when I was talking about all of my books,” Angel admitted, Crowley smiling softly at him. 

“I wasn’t bored in the slightest. I don’t remember a lot so you’ll have to forgive me if I do something unsound.” The odds of Crowley doing something unsound were slim when he was thinking and second guessing his every move. Still the Demon liked the smile the other was giving him. “Can I give you a lift? Anywhere you want.” 

“You go to fast for me,” the other smiled softly Crowley’s face falling slightly. “Thank you for dinner.”

“Of course,” Crowley looked the other way. “Could I see you again?”

“Come by the shop any time it’s open,” the Angel smiled. Crowley watched him start walking down the street. Until finally he couldn’t see the other man at all. 

Once again Crowley was alone. He was alone as he drove 90 in his car to his flat, as the car played Queen. The Demon was alone when he walked into his house. The silence only made his loneliness echo around him even more. The words he had been told over and over in his ears. ‘You will always live a lonely existence as you walk the mortal plane.’ The only place he was accepted was the mortal plane. If A did truly like him and could corrupt him that meant that the man would be with Crowley. The serpent would continue to walk the mortal plane, and he’d continue to see the human despite Hastur’s warning. 

Crowley didn’t want to be alone anymore. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Christmas time, oh Christmas time, how lovely is your... Angel....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is here. Formatting this was really hard. Let's get it on....
> 
> I own nothing, unedited (We fall like Crowley), all that jazz. Comment, Kudo/Like, Subscribe/Reblog, and Enjoy~!
> 
> Tumblr: Kalfandomtime.tumblr.com

Love wasn’t a demonic emotion. The emotion wasn’t a sin which is what most Demons tried to limit their emotions to. Even Crowley could admit he suffered from pride every so often. In the Demon’s defense he was a demon and he could be prideful when his plans worked and he wasn’t truly threatened by anything. Az suffered from multiple sins though. The bookseller suffered from greed, gluttony, and even envy when another bookseller had a book he wanted. It made gift giving easy, Crowley had procured a few books over the years and stealing a book from someone else wasn’t a problem. 

Every so often when they went on a date Crowley felt it again, the strange sense of deja vu. It was beginning to irk him, the worst was when they went for walks in the park. They had gone out to eat a few times now and, were coming up on their third month together. Crowley was missing the memories that had been stolen from him. So much so that he had made a mistake thinking about the Angel, the blonde always seemed to be on his mind.

“Damn it,” Crowley sighed, looking down at the rug he was currently stepping on. Under the rug was a carefully designed Demon trap. He wasn’t even in a position to grab something and break the trap either. 

Part of Crowley knew that he could break his floor and the trap and miracle it back together. Another part of him figured this was karma since he’d been so distracted in the past few months he’d been with Az. He couldn’t even pull the rug away to show the trap and possibly break the circle. 

“Crawly,” a minor demon with only black eyes walked into his office. This was just a tormented soul. “You’re being summoned to Hell.” 

“No thank you,” Crowley shook his head making a face at the demon. 

“That was an order,” the demon glared at the red head stepping closer. Crowley then had a very horrible idea. 

“You come closer and you’ll be trapped here,” Crowley warned. The Demon scoffed, stepping on the demon trap circle and breaking it enough so Crowley could step out of it. The Demon went to follow Crowley but couldn’t step over the circle. “I told you,” Crowley shrugged and kicked up a corner of the rug showing the black painted Demon trap.

“How did you!” The demon growled as Crowley shrugged, going to grab a water gun. “You can’t be serious!” 

“You’re possessing some poor bastard of course I am going to send you back to Hell what did you expect?” Crowley asked and pointed the water gun at the Demon. “Any last words?”

“The price on your head has gone up Traitor! You will always live a lonely existence!” The Demon growled out and Crowley started squirting the, with the water gun hearing the demon’s screams.

“See now that’s just not nice,” Crowley frowned as the demon melted into a puddle of goo that ultimately burned into a scorch mark. The human falling to the ground. Grabbing the edge of the rug, Crowley pulled the human out of the trap and felt her pulse. Still alive. 

With a long sigh, Crowley picked up the female and pulled her out of his flat and onto a bench nearby. She wasn’t injured, and she wasn’t his problem. The now scorched covered rug was though. He picked it up and tossed it in the fire, going to grab a different rug to cover the trap once again. This time he made sure to look down and avoid other rugs so he wouldn’t get trapped again. Odds are he was already late. Hopefully Angel wouldn’t be too mad at him. 

Apparently since it was the first day of December his Angel was decorating the store for the holidays. The irony of a Demon decorating for Christmas wasn’t lost on Crowley either, actually Crowley loved it. He had taken Jesus to see the seven kingdoms and now here he was centuries later still celebrating the man’s birthday. Walking up the steps the pillars already had tinsel garland and multi colored lights wrapped around them.

A.Z. Fell AND Co was going all out for Christmas it seemed. When Crowley opened the doors, he didn’t expect to see lights strung up already. Nor did he expect to see snowflakes hanging from the ceiling or even the usually messy tables and surfaces already wrapped in wintry wrapping paper. Above all though Crowley didn’t expect to that in the wide circle Angel standing in front of a Christmas tree with boxes of decorations around him. 

“I didn’t expect this of you Angel,” Crowley mused looking around the shop. The other blushed slightly and then looked excited. 

“You have to help me! It’s much easier to decorate a tree with two people.” He smiled excitedly and grabbed the white lights, handing the ball to Crowley. “Are you doing anything for the Holidays?” 

“Not really?” Crowley shrugged, sending an angel back to Heaven Christmas Eve and Christmas Day had become his tradition. But, he was positive the bookseller didn’t want to know that, or would believe him.

“Well we should celebrate together,” The Angel nodded to himself as he went around the tree putting up the lights. Crowley’s eyes wandered slightly and noticed something on his left that he had missed the light creating shadows. 

“Is that a nativity scene?” Crowley asked, looking at the weirdly accurate figurines. The animals looked like the same ones that had actually been there. Even the people were dirty and accurate. 

“Hm? Oh, yes! I had it specially made. Do you like it?” Angel asked, pulling out the ribbons and giving them over to Crowley once again. 

“It’s very well done,” Crowley mused looking at it. He turned to the angel smiling and going to decorate the tree with ornaments. “What would we do to Celebrate?”

“Well, we are going ice skating today.” The smile on his face was unsettling, it was as if AZ knew something Crowley didn’t. “On Christmas Eve we could bake cookies and then exchange gifts on Christmas day?”

“When did we decide to go ice skating today? I thought we were going on a walk in the park?” Crowley asked as the other took a step back rounding the tree. 

“We are after we go ice skating,” the man took the ribbon from him. Crowley sighed as the ribbon was placed on the tree. Everything looked like something out of a catalog already and the box Angel had been pulling from wasn’t even empty. 

“I’ll have to get you a gift if we are exchanging gifts then, and don’t expect my wrapping job to look like your own.” Crowley pointed out as the other smiled at him excitedly about exchanging gifts. 

“That is alright,” he smiled at Crowley, who felt his heart melt slightly. The next thing he was pulling out of the box were decorations that got twisted onto branches. Somehow it made the already fantastic tree that much better. 

“What are those?” Crowley asked, watching him place the last one. 

“Tree Picks. They make the tree a bit more festive don’t you think?” The bookseller asked, going to the box to grab the last thing. “Would you like to put the star on?” 

“Sure,” Crowley shrugged taking the star and going up the ladder to the top of the tree. His own ‘star’ was an angel that looked a lot like the archangel Gabriel’s vessel. The tree more or less impaled the fake stuffed angel’s rear, and Crowley loved it. 

Az directed Crowley a little bit to make sure the star wasn’t crooked. When Crowley successfully put on the star and looked at the tree, Az turned on the lights. Had Crowley not seen the tree unlit he would have thought that it couldn’t get better. The moment it was lit, this changed. The lights shined bright and every bulb was perfectly placed to make other pieces of the tree shine. The ornaments were lit and bright, the tree picks getting their own shine because of the glitter, and the star on top resting perfectly in place. 

“Shall we go ice skating now?” Az asked, smiling brightly at Crowley. 

“If you’d like,” Crowley shrugged, looking away from the spectacular tree. If they did give out home good awards this tree would have won one. 

On their way to the park Crowley and Az talked about small things. The weather was grey like usual, the bookshop was doing very well —even if it never sold anything— and Crowley’s job was still hectic. Job, killing angels and demons, Crowley joked that he was a hit man to Az and the other laughed and believed him. It made it easier when Crowley had to leave the city to dispose of things and saying Crowley was a hit man was the closest way of putting it. But it certainly wasn’t a job. 

The park was covered in snow but the walks had been paved. Even the lake had froze and the ducks weren’t listening anymore. Now it was just pigeons and geese, and neither bird could be trusted. Az smiled as they walked through the park. The cool, crisp air gave a small tint to the blonde's cheeks that Crowley was trying not to stare at. Around all the snow Az really did look like an Angel. Especially when they got to the rink and his head was back lit by white Christmas lights. 

“Have you ever been ice skating?” Az asked as he tied up his rented ice skates. 

“No. But I’m sure it’s not that hard.” Crowley tied his own shoes. Through his many years he’d done skiing and snowboarding. He hadn’t ever done ice skating and for the life of him he couldn’t remember why. Part of him wondered if it had to do with his other missing memories. 

“Mmmhm,” Az smiled standing up and going to the rink. “Ready when you are.” 

Crowley nodded and joined him, walking to the edge of the gate and pushing on to the ice. While the bookseller took in the views of lights shining overhead, all hung and reached from the edge of the rink to the center gazebo. And although no one could get to the gazebo since it was blocked off by rails it still felt like the holidays with a big tree in the middle, even if it wasn’t as marvelous as Az’s own tree. 

While Az smiled and skated around once before he realized Crowley wasn’t with him. He turned back to the gate and saw Crowley holding the rail like his life depended on it. Turned out the ex-demon wasn’t good at ice skating. If you had asked the serpent why he would have told you to fuck off. Now if you were his angel and managed to squeeze the truth out of him you would get an answer that he was a snake, not meant to be on the ice. 

“Are you alright Crowley?” Az asked standing on the ice in front of the snake who looked angry and panicked all at the same time. 

“Sss’Alright!” Az tilted his head confused only hearing a confusing mess of Crowley’s words. “I’m okay.”

“Give me your hands,” Az held out his hands to the scrambling man below him. 

“What?” Crowley asked, looking at Az quickly, only to see confidence. Oh, his angel looked beautiful with lights above his head. The smile on his face was ever present with his hands outstretched as if he was trying to save Crowley from something, or hug the serpent. 

“Give me your hands,” Az echoed his words from before more certain. 

“Oi you are in the way,” a man complained behind Crowley who immediately turned around. The Demon’s temper was something else when he started cursing until the man quickly left. 

“Get steady on your feet using the rail and slowly give me your hands.” It was only with sheer will that Crowley managed to still his shaky legs and transfer his hands to Az. The bookseller was deceptively strong when he held Crowley up even though the demon’s legs ended up spread wide. 

“This was a mistake…” Crowley huffed as Az started skating backwards forcing Crowley to follow him because they were holding hands. “Why did you want to go ice skating anyway?”

“Ice skating is one of the staples of the holiday season! Just like decorating and Hot Chocolate.” Az smiled as they slowly skated around the rink, Crowley getting the hang of pushing with his skates. 

“Well you definitely are paying for the hot chocolate after doing this to me,” Crowley snipped and Az laughed softly letting go of Crowley’s hand who immediately slipped and grabbed onto Az’s waist. “Don’t let go of me!” 

“Birds need to eventually fly from the nest.” Az smiled but took his hand and they started skating again. 

“I’m not a bird,” Crowley grumbled. He was far from the Angel he once was, now he was a snake, a serpent. When someone betrayed someone else’s trust they called them a snake. If someone tried to hurt you behind your back you were a snake, a backstabber. That’s what Crowley was now, a snake.

When Crowley was done precariously tittering on his skates, they made their way to a bench outside the rink. Az smiled as he watched Crowley take off his skates and rubbed his ankles. Renting skates always seemed to put pressure in awkward places on your feet and hurt your ankles. Especially when you were an ancient six thousand year old being with the balance of a little kid on wet tiles. 

“You seem satisfied with yourself Angel,” Crowley huffed as he pulled in his regular shoe. If Az ended up doing some more ice skating Crowley wouldn’t mind it. But even if both Satan and her holiness ordered him there was no way he’d ever be caught ice skating in public again. 

“I am,” Az smiled to Crowley wiggling slightly. “I got you to come ice skating with me.” 

“And it’ll be the last time too.” Crowley smiled at Az looking at the hot chocolate stand. One public humiliation every thousand years seemed sufficient. “May I tempt you to some hot chocolate and a stroll in the park?” 

“Temptation accomplished,” Az smiled pulling off his own skates putting his regular shoes back on. 

Even though Crowley had told Az he was going to pay for the hot chocolate, the ex-demon paid for the treat anyway. The smile on the blonde’s face made it all the more worth it. Crowley had no idea how much money the bookseller had at his disposal, especially since he couldn’t seem to part with any of his books. The hot chocolate was warm in Crowley’s cold hands and while he didn’t actually drink any of the hot chocolate, it just felt nice to just have it. Az, on the other hand, loved the sweet treat and quickly started drinking his when he could. 

Years could pass and Crowley would still remember these moments. Demons had to forcefully remove his memories last time, or so he assumed. This time, this time he’d keep them. He’d treasure ever small smile, every word, every small touch of the others hand. All of this was Crowley’s to keep and the others could try and pry it from his cold dead heart. But like the mark on his temple, Az was already etched into his skin and nothing would remove him. 

Time had already proven this. This wasn’t Crowley’s first run in with the human, Hastur had told him that. No matter how much he tried, Crowley always found himself right back here. Next to the human he seemed drawn to by some unseen force. This time Crowley wouldn’t let go, he’d fight heaven and hell to keep the human next to him, he was already doing it anyway. Crowley didn’t want to be alone anymore.

“What are you thinking about so intently?” Az asked a smile on his face even if he looked at the other curiously. 

“You,” Crowley answered finally taking in where they were seeing the giant tree in the roundabout. “You really like Christmas don’t you?” 

“Of course, it means a lot to me. I think it reminds me of simpler times,” Az turned to the tree, his nose twitching slightly. The smell of pine and cinnamon from the pine cones made everything smell exactly like how one would picture Christmas smelling, except not overpowering. This wasn’t over spilling vanilla extract and then having everything smell like the Pillsbury dough boy’s asshole. 

“Simpler times?” Crowley pushed hopefully to get the bookseller to continue. The snake wanted to learn more about the other's past. Every time Az even mentioned his past he quickly changed topics, as if the subject was taboo or too hard to remember. So far Crowley could tell that he’d once had a friend who turned into his boyfriend and then nothing. They’d broken up but Az didn’t like speaking about his old friend. 

“Yes. Everything was less complicated then. I’m sure you don’t want me to bore you with a sad tale before the tree lighting though,” Az quickly had a fake smile on his face and turned to the tree. 

“Nothing you could say would bore me Angel,” Crowley turned to the tree feeling the other’s eyes on his face. 

“You’re too kind Anthony,” Az smiled and Crowley felt the need to clench his hands. “Maybe we can go to a church after this too.”

“I think not,” Crowley spoke quickly at the idea of seeing a church. The ex-demon had still fallen, he couldn’t set foot in a church he’d burn in the spot he stood in. 

“Not religious?” Az asked as counting was heard around them. 

“Not forgiven.” Crowley leaned in to speak to Az before looking at the tree lighting up when people yelled at one. “S’nice, the tree. Not like yours, though.”

“Better than mine,” Az smiled looking at the tree taking in all the lights and smells. 

“Worse than yours,” Crowley smirked to other. Az brushed off the comment, shaking his head with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. The blonde really couldn’t take a compliment. 

The walk back to the bookshop was light even if it was cold. They didn’t talk about religion, or their ex friends. Crowley assumed that Az was probably wondering why the snake had said ‘Not forgiven’ instead of not religious. Centuries had passed since the fall and still Crowley couldn’t see the appeal of following her all mighty since she’d casted out all of those who followed Lucifer down to hell. Nor could he forget everything she’d done to them. His friends may have been heathens, but she didn’t know half of the abuse that they had taken because of her. 

Humans were nicer than angels in that retrospect. Humans didn’t have egos the size of the endless universe. Angels were soldiers and when a soldier disobeyed the others called them AWOL, Treasonous, everything that waited for the worst of the worst. The Demons were better than them there. Soldiers can be trusted to follow commands and follow a single order. Demons knew only one thing to be true, that other demons couldn’t be trusted. Crowley was a Demon, and to humans he was the worst.

The thought of Az getting old and Crowley staying the same haunted him every day. Crowley liked his six thousand year old body and he didn’t want it to get old. But Az would. That thought haunted the Demon. Even if Crowley told the bookseller that he was a demon, if the bookseller even believed him. Who would love a demon? Az would surely hate him for lying, hate him for everything. 

“This was nice, even if you were atrocious at ice skating,” Az smiled at Crowley as they stood on the steps of the bookshop. 

“Clearly I am not meant to be ice skating,” He’d have to add that to the list of things to never do again, right next to bungee jumping. It was falling, not flying. 

“Would you like to come in?” Az asked, looking hopefully at the other. 

Crowley should leave. The touches of Az’s skin, the feel of his lips against Crowley’s own, all of it was intoxicating. Az’s soft smooth skin was a perfectly cooled glass of water, and Crowley was a dehydrated old man in a desert. The moment he stepped into the bookshop and Az took off their coats Crowley’s hands would be on the others hips. The snake’s lips on Az’s own, Crowley’s human tongue entangled with Az’s own. 

“I really shouldn’t,” Crowley’s nose scrunched as memories of soft moans filled his ears. 

“I could put on the fire, you do look dreadfully cold,” Az pointed out as Crowley shivered with the wind. “I could even pour us something to drink as you put on some music?” 

The demon did feel cold, and one drink couldn’t hurt. Az even had a decent record collection, apparently it was his friend’s but he couldn’t bear to part with it. Part of Crowley wanted to replace them with his own so the man wouldn’t have all those old memories just lying around. The Velvet Underground didn’t seem like Az’s style anyway. The bookseller would probably ask that Crowley put on holiday music too. 

“What will the others think of Az? Inviting a person like me in from the cold.” Crowley teased and Az’s face beamed realizing he’d won. 

“They’ll think nothing, it’s not like they can stop us. Close the door behind you, wouldn’t want to let the heat escape,” Az turned quickly disappearing into the bookshop. 

With the fire on, and both their coats hanging next to the random coat and hat that someone had left years ago. Crowley was beginning to feel warm again. There was one problem that Crowley had with being a cold-blooded creature in England: the weather. Usually his coats and driving everywhere with the heat on helped, but every so often he really did need to sit next to the fire and soak up the heat to feel a bit more alive. 

“Feeling warm?” Az asked, coming to sit next to Crowley. The blonde sat in the chair next to Crowley while the serpent sat on the rug in front of the fire, he needed to be close to the fire to feel warm after all. 

“Very much so, although I am still a bit cold Angel. Maybe you could join me on the rug.” Crowley suggested it as if they were filming some sort of porno about a couple who’d been snowed into a cabin. “I was thinking of other Christmas things you could make us do to celebrate the season.” 

“Oh?” Az looked excited and moved to sit on the rug next to Crowley. Ready to hear what the other had been thinking for their next Christmas activity. 

“Well you did mention cookies and I thought why not go one farther and make gingerbread houses.” Crowley shrugged, stretching out his feet, his arms spread out on the table behind him. “If you want to that is.”

“That sounds perfect,” Az smiled and put his cup on the table next to them. The bookseller stood up and walked around so he was in front of Crowley and kneeled down between the demon’s legs. “When would you like to do that?” 

“I, how about next week? I’ll grab the supplies and we can do it here?” Crowley suggested leaning forward and taking one of Az’s hands. “You’re warm.” 

“That sounds perfect,” Az shivered slightly and not because of Crowley’s cold hands. He shivered as Crowley placed his lips on the bookseller’s knuckles. “I could grab us a blanket?” Az asked and Crowley shook his head, pulling Az gently into his arms. “What would you like then Crowley?” 

Their faces were inches apart when Crowley leaned in, their lips barely touching when Az pushed forward, their lips colliding eyes shut close. Crowley's hands were quickly on the blonde's waist. The bookseller’s own hands were on his chest as their lips moved to a beat only they knew the time of. If you had asked Crowley what Az tasted like, he would have told you the other was sweet. It was what he didn’t say that made him addicted to the other. Az’s body was like coming home, it was the feeling of being loved, the light in the darkness of Crowley’s life. Every small breath and small movement was Crowley’s and Crowley’s alone. He didn’t have to share any of it with other demons.

With shirts discarded and Crowley’s back hitting the rug below him they were able to touch more skin. The rubbing of clothed groins against each other gave way to small moans and groans. Crowley could see Az above him, sweat glistening from his naked body as he rode Crowley. But that wasn’t going to happen, Crowley needed a lot more control for that to happen. Instead Crowley’s hand found its way into Az’s pants and softly started touching.

The invention of lube was technically an angel's doing. It started with oil, which slowly moved to kitchen oil and then the real invention of lube. The Greeks were crafty and Crowley still remembers having a lot of fun in ancient Greece with olive oil. Sexuality meant nothing when you were a celestial being. He wasn’t gay or any human label they’d come up with. Crowley was and always will be Crowley.

“Please,” Az begged feeling the too soft touches of Crowley’s hand at the head of his dick.

“Patience is a virtue my Angel,” Crowley tried not to let his serpent tongue slur his words. His knees raised as he pushed Az down onto the rug undoing the man’s pants.

“I have been, you take too long,” Az chastised before his voice hiked up into a garbled moan. “You should, you should… Give me,” Az’s begs fell on deaf ears as Crowley’s tongue slid up the blonde’s cock. “Please!” Az’s hand pulled at Crowley’s hair so the breathing hard, red cheeked, bookseller could look into the sunglasses the demon always wore. “I’d like to suck you too…”

If Crowley had been farther into getting Az off, more aroused, the demon might have soiled his pants right then. Just the thought of Az’s mouth on his cocks, he’d gotten off to his imagination of it a few times. Feeling only his heads in the man’s mouth as hand touched the base, or Az’s tongue covering the underside of one and topside of the other as they rubbed against the bookseller’s face. Az had given Crowley an early Christmas gift by begging him to suck Crowley off.

The blonde most have gotten tired of waiting for an answer because soon enough there was a hand inside of Crowley’s very tight pants. The sound that came out of the demon’s mouth wasn’t something he could replicate if he wanted, a half moan half hiss as he said yes. Az’s hand wrapped around the top of his head hand somehow already having lube on it. The blonde must have planned ahead, while Crowley was just dreaming of having Az’s mouth on his cocks.

“Angel!” Crowley yelled, leaning into the touch, his glasses slipping from his eyes. “Stop. Stop, stop, stop.” Az’s hand stilled a small frown on his face. “I can’t, you can’t do that I’m not,” Human.

“Whatever it is I don’t care,” Az whispered the booksellers other hand pushed the glasses back onto Crowley’s eyes. “It’s why you wear these too isn’t it?”

“Yes, and this isn’t how I wanted to tell you,” Crowley whispered.

“I don’t care whatever it is. I just want you to tell me, even if it’s something like you have some genital condition. Because this,” Az’s hand slid up and then back down Crowley’s cock the other moaning at the motion. “Feel’s perfect in my hand.”

“’M a demon,” Crowley slurred out. Maybe it was the smell of arousal in the air, maybe it was because the serpent in his could taste it in the air. Or maybe it was just the fact that he wanted Az to know that the words slipped out.

“Okay,” Az smiled and leaned in kissing Crowley slowly reassuring the Demon he didn’t care.

“I have two dicks and my eyes are those of a snake because I am the snake that tempted Eve. But come on! A giant tree with a big don’t touch me sign was begging to be touched. I just told her to take a bite, and she wasn’t married to Adam either when they had their child that’s a sin in the bible you know.” Crowley started rambling as Az pulled at Crowley’s pants the demon’s underwear following with his pants revealing two equally hard and slightly leaking dicks.

“Okay,” Az leaned down taking both of them, well as much as he could in one hand and trailing his tongue on the underside of his lower dick.

“Oh! Sssweet Sssatan!” Crowley hissed out feeling Az’s tongue slide up his cock taking the head into his mouth while the hand that was around the base moved to stroke the other cock resting against the blonde’s cheek.

“I still want you inside me…” the glow of the fire made Az look ethereal. “If you want that.”

“Yesss,” Crowley hissed Az pushing Crowley back against the rug and pulling off his pants.

With both equally willing partners naked and now lubed cocks. Crowley had a wonderful view of Az stretching himself on his own fingers. Crowley pulled off his glasses, he was going to remember this till the end of time and damn if he wasn’t going to have the best lighting for it. One finger became two and soon two fingers became three.

“One day I’ll take both, but not right now,” Az blushed removing his fingers and placing one hand on Crowley’s torso the other lining up the serpents lower penis to his own entrance.

“Now I have something to look forward to,” Crowley’s voice turned into a moan as Az lowered himself down. The sensation felt like too much, one of his dicks surrounded by a tight heat and the other rubbing against Az’s own penis. 

The rhythm was easy to fall into Crowley’s hands on Az’s waist as the heat rose. Moans filled the air as Az raised and lowered on Crowley’s cock. Both of them leaning forward chasing their release. This moment alone Crowley would fall for. Az was an Angel who didn’t just accept Crowley for being a demon, he still wanted Crowley. No, Az was better than an Angel. An Angel would never lay with a demon, or lay with anyone for that matter. Az was better than heaven or hell, he was human. And Crowley loved Az’s humanity. Crowley loved the feeling of him everywhere. 

“‘M close,” Az moaned Crowley wrapping a hand around both of them pumping. “So close, it’s so good, so good, _Crowley_!” Az yelled Crowley groaning as well. 

Crowley. Crowley. Crowley. Az yelled Crowley as he came, not Anthony, Crowley. They both sat there foreheads connected breathing in each other. Crowley’s pupils blown wide as he could taste the air with his own snake tongue. Why had Az called him Crowley, Crowley had shouted Angel of course but that wasn’t anything new. Crowley to Az was Anthony J. Crowley. 

“You’re thinking too loud, what’s wrong?” Az breathed out getting up. The bookseller adjusted himself so he could lay on his stomach on the rug. 

“You called me Crowley.” Crowley mumbled, getting up, feeling a bit more sentient. He needed to leave. 

“Oh. Well, your boss called you Crowley when he came by. I thought you’d be okay with it,” Az blushed looking away from the demon. 

“My boss?” Crowley frowned looking at Az’s back and leaning in to kiss the shoulder as he pulled on his pants. 

“Mmmhmm Beeze something. He came by because apparently you’ve been ignoring him. Said to tell you that you had safe passage coming down and would be able to leave but you were required,” Az filled Crowley in on the visitor he had. 

“Next time he shows up don’t let him in. Actually don’t even let him see you. Just run,” Crowley frowned getting up and pulling on his shirt. Now he really needed to go. Beelzebub coming to earth to summon him through Az was not a good thing. 

“You’re leaving?” Az frowned, pulling a blanket around himself as Crowley grabbed his glasses. “I thought… never mind.” 

“If my boss is contacting me through you I should see him sooner than later. I’ll be back Angel, we’ve gotta make gingerbread houses,” the smile although usually foreign felt normal on Crowley’s face. The kiss felt easy, pulling apart didn’t, standing up didn’t. Leaving was the hardest of all. 

Beelzebub was waiting, and possibly, for the first time in a long time. Crowley wasn’t alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley was summoned by Beelzebub so the demon goes to Hell. Beelzebub gives him a warning. Is Crowley actually paranoid when his paranoia turns valid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three is here early! The holiday season is to blame/thank I’m with my family so there won’t be an update this Saturday but we will be back on track the next Saturday. Did you know I update every Saturday? Well, I do! And you know now.
> 
> I own nothing, unedited (We fall like Crowley), all that jazz. Comment, Kudo/Like, Subscribe/Reblog, and Enjoy~!
> 
> Tumblr: Kalfandomtime.tumblr.com

Getting clean was easy as a demon. One simple miracle and no one would have guessed that he had been in the throws of passion with a human. Now that he was presentable he needed to see Beelzebub. There were many ways into hell, but Crowley preferred to take the stairs. Back in the old days getting to hell was much harder. Now, one could take the stairs up to heaven and the stairs next to them down to hell. Both sides knew the stairs were only used by their respective parties. Crowley hadn’t ever used the stairs to heaven. When you got ejected from heaven you didn’t become in a hurry to get back. But, he had used the stairs down to descend into hell. 

Time was different in hell and heaven than it was on earth. On Earth time moved quickly, in the celestial world, time it moved to whatever time it wanted. While on earth these stairs would take two minutes at most, it took Crowley Earth hours and it still felt like two minutes. 

Crowley hated hell. The Celestial plane where they tortured human souls looked like an abandoned slaughterhouse. The walls had dried blood stains, chains rattled on the ceiling in a nonexistent wind, the only wind was the screams of tortured souls. Everything felt cold. The smell was pungent, burnt flesh, warm blood, dirt, vomit, and something that had turned many years ago leaving only an acidic smell. All around the smell in Hell was gruesome. 

The one thing that Crowley liked about being a hunter of his own kind and angels was that no one touched him or got in his way. They legitimately parted like the Red Sea, but that didn’t stop them from hurling insults and staring at him as he walked through the halls. He knew exactly where Beelzebub would be, the throne room. A minor demon had once told him he’d been here for his hearing. That all the demons had watched his descent into madness.

Whatever that meant.

That had been the bath he took as well. He’d learned this recently, demons had been very forthcoming when he’d pulled them into his bathroom. The water in his tub was regular water, but the demon’s facing the tub didn’t know that. He didn’t remember any of the hearing and the demon didn’t remember why the hearing had taken place either. More holes in his memory. More problems. Beelzebub was going to answer some of Crowley’s questions, even if they didn’t want to. 

Beelzebub liked their own theatrics. The grand chair they sat in was the first theatric, they claimed it was to show their superiority. The next was the Usher that sat on a lower level taking notes. The usher was small and fat, he didn’t look like any of the other demons, but that is what happened when you spent too much time in hell. While the lords of hell —minus Ligur— gathered on both sides. The best theatric was the small window behind Crowley where the rest of the Demons had gathered to listen in and watch. There was even still a bathtub sitting under the window as well. Although Crowley didn’t want to find out if it was filled with Holy Water still. 

“Crawly,” Beelzebub started. “You have been summoned here by me not to answer for your crimes against us but as a warning. Do you have anything to say to us?” 

“Not yet,” Crowley scrunched up his nose shaking his head. 

“Since you can not die by Holy Water, or by Hellfire. Heaven and Hell have come to an agreement. You have generally been left alone on earth but now you, great hunter, will become the hunted.” Beelzebub continued not paying any mind to Crowley’s not yet. “There will be nowhere you can hide that we will not find you, we will scour this planet and every planet with the help of heaven to hunt you down. When we catch you we will use everything to either Discorporate you or if we can’t lock you up until we find some way we can.” 

The snake demon liked old movies, the scenes where the hero made the miraculous escape were some of his favorite. This was one of those times, the hero had some tricks up his sleeve and he would end all of this right here. But this wasn’t an old movie, and Crowley was outnumbered, getting rid, or harming Beelzebub would be too difficult. They were giving him a death sentence, he would either die or run. And if he ran he would be alone. 

Crowley didn’t want to be alone. 

“If you really plan to do this I will not hold back Beelzebub. Every demon you send at me will not just be exorcised and sent back here I will start killing. And you can let Gabriel know that as well, Hellfire will rain in heaven and Holy Water will rain in hell.” Crowley hissed out, not backing down from the challenge, he saw some demons looking worried. “And when you ask why, I will tell you, you had to pay the price for threatening me.” 

“Then we are in agreement Crawly,” Beelzebub leaned forward, “Run.” 

He didn’t. Crowley had sauntered down into Hell and he would saunter out. 

The demons smiled as if they could take him down, waiting until Crowley reached earth. Then he’d be free game and the hunt would begin. 

“Run,” a demon grinned as Crowley got to the top of the stairs. 

“I don’t think I will,” Crowley grinned looking at the demon, “Maybe you should.” 

Demons were stupid. This one followed Crowley to his Bentley. This small time demon thought that he’d be the first one to draw blood on the great demon hunter Crowley. All of it would be for naught, Crowley was a bit paranoid you see. The demon had been creating traps and ways to make sure he’d never be touched for years.

“Hasta La Vista. Baby,” Crowley grinned pulling out a water gun. The snake turned quickly squeezing the gun making the other Demon scream and run back to hell. With that taken care of Crowley could go to his flat.

He didn’t. Crowley had to see his Angel. It was common practice for humans not to go after civilians and no Angel would harm a human. No demon would go after Az either or they’d suffer the Angel’s wrath. But if shit hit the metaphorical fan, Crowley had backup plans and traps. The worst of all of it was the end game trap. If he needed to hit the metaphorical panic button he could and then despite all their resources, heaven and hell would never find him. 

But, it wasn’t meant for two people. Crowley would be alone. The panic button couldn’t take two, and he didn’t want to leave Az alone here on earth. With only mild, healthy panic in his heart, he made his way to his flat. Never leaving his house without protection was going to become a daily occurrence. Although it had felt like only a few hours a few days had passed since he had seen Az. 

“Shit,” the demon grumbled, rubbing his head as he got into the Bentley. The Flat should have been the first place he went but he stopped by the bookstore first just to see if Az was there and he was. He was on the phone as Crowley drove by. The Angel didn’t notice the car. 

The next place was Crowley’s flat. When he entered he didn’t expect a demon to jump at him but Crowley was thankful it did happen, he was able to grab a vase and shove it over the other head and run to the kitchen. Knives, he needed knives. 

“Crawly!” the demon heard as he avoided the rugs, seeing a few demons trapped. 

“Sorry can’t talk now.” Crowley responded by jumping over his counter like an action hero, pulling out knives and grabbing a spray bottle from under the sink. The spray bottle wasn’t as effective as a water gun but getting to his office would have been harder. “Since this has to go quickly anyone who comes at me gets stabbed or holy watered to the face. If you leave now you won’t be killed though.” 

“You’re the only one who will be killed tonight,” a demon growled and launched at Crowley who threw his first knife. Spraying the water was next and the chanting began. 

Crowley was spraying like a mad man. He needed to keep space between him and the rest of the demons. If he made a wrong move he could end up trapped. But if he wasn’t quick he could end up grabbed and dragged to hell. 

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.” Crowley began as shouting happened and another demon came after him. “Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te... cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare… mother,” Crowley hissed as he dropped the spray bottle and got shoved into his office desk. “Oh big mistake.” 

Rolling over his desk, Crowley grabbed the water gun underneath it and started spraying it. His glasses slipped off during the roll, letting him see more. It didn’t matter if the demons were in a trap or not, any demon in Crowley’s home got blasted with the Holy Water Gun. And when he was finally done, there in the doorway, stood an angel. 

“Come on,” Crowley growled. 

“Gabriel got your message Crawly. He’d like to see this Hellfire of yours.” The angel smirked, walking slowly into the house after Crowley. 

“Come into my den said the spider to the fly.” Crowley hissed out, sitting in his chair, looking at the Angel. “You want to see Hellfire? I’ll give you hellfire.” 

And Hellfire did rain. Hellfire didn’t hurt the Demon like Holy Water did, this meant when he stuck his hands into his fireplace pulling out two ever burning logs. He could wield the logs like fire spinners. One jab of fire into that angel’s chest and another getting backhanded to the face. Crowley’s plants would fear him even more, if that were even possible. 

The Angels died in the fire and left empty vessels. Demons didn’t need a vessel while angels did, sure angels could just appear if they were strong enough but they couldn’t do any damage unless they had a vessel. Having killed many Angels and Demons Crowley always wondered why their deaths were so different. While the Demons screamed, their actual death was quick and peaceful, only leaving a small spot. When the Angels died they screamed and exploded outward in a violent slow death. The Angels left imprints of their wings on the floor. Most of the ones he’d killed had only one pair of wings. Three were the most and they never got into a position to die. 

The plants shook in fear as the log in Crowley’s hand burned up leaving only his hand on fire as the Demon grabbed the Angel’s collar. This one would be spared.

No battle would be as amazing if there wasn’t someone to tell the tale. Which is how Crowley ended up with an angel in his office surrounded by a circle of hellfire. He needed information. When the Angel came to Crowley was sitting in his office chair, glasses back on. The flat was a mess but he’d deal with that later. The bodies had all been tossed out around the city. He didn’t need the locals asking questions. 

“Heaven won’t rescue you.” Crowley broke the silence as he placed the trinket he’d been holding down his feet still up and resting on his desk. “I can either continue torturing you and end your life or spare you. But only if you answer some questions I have.” 

“Why would I give you anything?” The Angel spat out from the floor defiance still in their eyes. 

“Self preservation usually. What’s your name?” Crowley asked, and the Angel scoffed, looking away. “I’ve got nothing but time,” Crowley pressured and the Angel laughed. 

“That was only the first wave, there will be more.” The angel stood leaning closer trying to scare Crowley, “You will get overwhelmed. You are only one Demon against a sea of Demons and Angels. You’ve got an hour up here, we’ve got centuries in the Celestial world.” The Angel smirked with all of the what Crowley had come to call ‘Celestial dick-baggery’ he could manage. 

“If you think you can exhaust my resources you are highly mistaken. I’ve had Six thousand years to plan for this. I have been an Angel, and I have been a Demon, I have even been a Human and now,” Crowley laughed moving his feet of his desk. “And now I am something much worse.” 

“An ex demon with no home does not scare me,” the Angel glared. “You are just a mistake, one of the fallen, no matter what you call yourself, or what face you wear.” 

“An ex-demon?” Crowley echoed, shaking his head while standing up. “I am the ex-demon who took a bath in Holy Water. I am the ex-demon who stepped through The Flame of The Dead. This will be the face I wear till the destruction of time.”

“We will find a way to end you!” The Angel tried to stand strong as Crowley circled the Hellfire ring like an animal stalking its prey.

“Fuck you, I am ineffably free. The ineffable plan does not control me and I will make sure I survive to see the end, even if I have to end both Heaven and Hell to prove it. And do not think I will not.”

“You might see the end of time great hunter Crowley, but anyone you’ve associated with won’t. You’re human will die, and every time you chase their soul it will be in heaven and hell and we will make sure you never lay your hands on it.” The Angel threatened him and Crowley picked up a very old gun. 

“I know what you're thinking: ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum,” The old gun actually was a .44 Magnum. But it didn’t fire regular bullets, no these bullets were something Crowley had designed himself after much trial and error and burning feet. “The most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?”

“What?” The angel asked confused and Crowley shot the Angel’s foot. The Angel screamed as light poured out and they grabbed their foot, holding it close as blood poured from the wound. “What is that?!” 

“Consecrated ground bullets. And get this, they were forged in hellfire.” Crowley grinned and pointed the gun at them again. “Now want to answer some of my questions?” 

“My name is Malachi,” the Angel gave up the first thing Crowley had originally asked them. 

“Why the sudden rule change?” Crowley asked, going back to sitting down in his chair. 

“Tired of waiting. I suppose? I only hear whispers that you were the reason that so many things have failed.” The Angel was low on the totem pole. “How can you kill so easily?” 

“The same reason you could kill me so easily. It is either my life or yours.” Crowley shrugged and thought about what he wanted to know. “Is there actually another wave coming?” 

“Yes, or at least there will be if you kill me.” The Angel explained and then scoffed. “I wonder if they’ll send it anyway even if I’m not dead.” 

“What will the wave consist of?” Although he could potentially have enough of his bullets he didn’t want to run out. If he couldn’t make more he was in more trouble than he originally thought. Having Heaven and Hell after you wasn’t a good thing it seemed. 

“Angels and Demons, there will be less Angels this time. You, you don’t understand it do you? All of this, it’s for you. They want you to be here.” The Angel looked at Crowley a bit horrified. 

“What are you talking about?” Crowley asked, confused. 

“They said you knew, that you were okay with it. That you had readily accepted the challenge,” With every breathy word spoken the Angel’s face contorted into more and more disgust and appall. 

“You are running my patience what challenge?” Crowley hissed out, his eyes narrowed, pupils in slits as he eyed the Angel.

“They are going after your human.” 

The blood in Crowley’s body stopped cold. Beelzebub was trying to scare him into compliance, taking something he wanted, this was his memories all over again. Except this time, this time it wasn’t something he could live without. Not remembering what you had lost was different than remembering something taken from you. Beelzebub was stealing his human, his salvation against the cold. His Angel. 

“When?” Crowley asked malice, dripping from his every bone.

“Now, all of this was a distraction. We were sent here to make sure you did not leave, so they could grab him. If you left, we had failed.” The angel explained and both turned in the direction of the front door. “They’re coming. The next wave, you can feel it too.”

“I am going to dispose of this quickly and then you and I are going to save my human.” Crowley hissed out grabbing the water gun ready to fight the next wave of celestial beings. He had to survive now, his Angel depended on him. 

The only way Crowley would get out of the fight unharmed was if he didn’t participate at all. But he really didn’t have a choice. They hadn’t gotten Az yet which meant that possibly Az had run at the first sight of Beelzebub showing up at the bookstore. If any demon or angel harmed a hair on Az’s perfect head Crowley would skewer them with Satan’s own pitchfork. 

Getting hit in the face wasn’t that painful, the dull pain of the initial hit even the tingling sensation that came afterward. It was the fact that he got hit, that was a problem. It meant that instead of having the high ground, Crowley was pinned down. Pinned against a wall as an angel held him holding a pitcher of Holy Water. The Angel pinning him against the wall smirked as a demon poised with a hellfire sword walked into the office. The sword wouldn’t kill him but it would hurt like hell when the steel cut into his body. All Crowley could do was brace for impact when the demon swung the hellfire sword into his side and from the upswing caught the angel. 

The snake took advantage of the chaos grabbing the demon and swinging both of them into the falling Holy Water. The water thankfully didn’t hit Crowley as the glass pitcher shattered. His fingers curled around the other demons sword at both the hilt and blade. Crowley brought up the sword and pressed the blade into the other’s neck. Blood started dripping down both the other demon’s neck and Crowley’s own hand before the neck wound spurt blood outward landing on Crowley’s own face. Now he had a demon’s blade, this would make things much easier. 

Blonde hair, blue eyes, the warm touch. Crowley needed to finish this, he needed to save his Angel. That warm smile and warm skin didn’t belong in the cold depths of hell. The sweet smell of pastries and the smell of an old book didn’t belong next to the harsh acidity of old bile and warm blood. 

Crowley wanted it all to just end. 

Never mind the warm blood flowing down his own side and his hands. He even ignored the blood on his face. All he thought about was the person he’d put in an awful situation. Who was being captured and dragged down to hell. His Angel who should never have to worry about eternal battle between Heaven and Hell, both sides thinking they were right, that it was a battle between good and evil but all it was, was a battle over the end. 

Stumbling back into his office he saw a demon take their own flaming hellfire torch into the angel’s chest. There went Crowley’s witness and helper. The demon was tired, instead of capturing this demon he just grabbed the Holy Water Gun and sprayed, killing the demon. He needed to clean up, he needed to shut his door. Crowley needed to go see his Angel. 

The haze Crowley was in could be seen by anyone. If there was anyone around to see it. He stumbled through his flat and got to the entry hall to see a horrified Az looking at a body on the floor. 

“Angel,” Crowley breathed a sigh of relief. The blonde bookseller's eyes snapped forward. 

Carnage. The blood on Crowley’s face dripping down, the cut on his side, the blood dripping down his fingers from his palm. All the bodies around him. Burned, melted and disfigured, it was a battle, statues tossed over, rugs pulled up showing the sigils beneath them. All of it looked nothing like the last time Az had been here. It wasn’t the same modern flat that Crowley had built or even let Az into.

“Crowley,” the Angel didn’t smile but still kept walking forward arms stretching forward to the demon. 

The demon’s face turned seeing the red compound eyes of the giant fly that sat on the one person he didn’t think he’d see again. Beelzebub. Hands moved in slow motion, Crowley reaching his bloody hand out to Az’s own outstretched arms, the other hand stretching out with the sword getting ready to strike once Az was closer. Once he was safe in Crowley’s arms. The Lord of Hell’s hand stretched upward placing it on the bookseller’s shoulder. 

Crowley’s face turned to terror as slowly both figures disappeared downward into the ground flames surrounding them. His Angel was being dragged to hell. And Crowley could do nothing except watch it happen. He was too far away, too far to grab on, too far to touch. Too far away from helping his only salvation. This was his fault. He was going to pay the ultimate price. Crowley was going to be alone again. 

“ANGEL!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Az Fell taken Crowley does everything in his power to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOF this is late. I'm sorry! Hopefully we get closer to the normal schedule soon.
> 
> I own nothing, unedited (We fall like Crowley), all that jazz. Comment, Kudo/Like, Subscribe/Reblog, and Enjoy~!
> 
> Tumblr: kalfandomtime.tumblr.com

This was the part of the story where the hero devised a plan. A plan where no one got hurt and the leading lady would be saved and they’d go home together safe and sound. Crowley despite his forever wanting, wasn’t a hero. The ex-demon for all his ranting and denying, was still a demon, a fallen angel, and a murderer. He would never be the hero, and this moment, this proved it. 

The demon’s eyes became more snake-like under his glasses as he pulled them off with a shaky hand. This wasn’t real. His Angel hadn’t just disappeared. Crowley didn’t just do nothing while his Angel had been stolen from him. With his breathing shallow the glasses got set down on an alcove next to him. This wasn’t real. 

Crowley stumbled backwards, the bloody hand coming to his eyes, tears falling out of his eyes. No. The hand was removed. He’d make them pay, all of them. He’d kill the lord of hell and Satan himself. He’d die trying. The snarl that escaped his mouth was inhuman. He trudged forward footsteps feeling weighted and he stomped through his flat to his office. He almost ripped the bookshelf off its hinges as he pulled it to the side revealing a hidden room. 

They’d pay.

Every year Crowley grabbed Holy Water from a church. And every year companies created better Water Guns. He filled a water pistol which got attached to his leg, just in case, and he grabbed two real guns which he placed to the side. Then he filled the mega canon. In 2000 Hasbro released the Super Soaker CPS 2700 when loaded it held 4L of water. The gun came with a strap to carry it because it was so heavy, and Crowley bought one. If they wanted a fight, Crowley would bring a war. 

With all the Holy Water he could manage he grabbed the two regular guns shoving them behind his back, if there were any angels he needed to be able to fight them as well. And instead of dealing with hellfire, he decided to end them with hellfire rounds. It would be easier, and he still had the sword too, but that would have been bulky to carry. Crowley didn’t feel the pain of blood dripping out of the wound on his side as he wrapped it. Nor did he feel the sting as he wrapped his hand either. They had stolen his angel. And now, now Crowley couldn’t think. His heart raced as he snarled at nothing grabbing the giant gun. 

His hands were still shaking as he left his apartment. They’d pay, every demon and angel. They’d pay for stealing his Angel. He’d kill them all, Satan and God be damned he’d had enough. His Angel had done nothing wrong. And yet, they still stole him away. 

And for what?

All to make Crowley obey? 

The shadows moved, and curled around Crowley’s form as he passed through the halls. As if they were reaching out to an old friend the shadows followed him. Crowley was a Demon, and the darkness was welcoming him back with open arms. 

This wasn’t the demon who lived on earth. This wasn’t even the demon who fell. No. This was the demon who had accepted he was a demon through and through. This was the demon who tempted a soul into staining it’s family lineage for centuries with countless murders. This was the demon who’d kill anyone who had even voiced an opinion against him. The angel who was a general and commanded a platoon into following him. 

The only thing that had seen this demon in centuries were plants. His plants to be exact. This was the demon who remembered how to strike the fear of Crowley into anything with just a lean. This was the demon the others feared, the snake that had once tempted anything and everything. The grin on Crowley’s face was something manic. His sanity had long gone as he traveled to the building which housed Heaven and Hell. 

“Crawly,” the demon didn’t finish it’s sentence as it melted being shot with the water gun. The screams felt like music to his ears as he tilted his head. 

This would be one of many demons guarding the stairs to Hell and they would all die. They’d pay for what they had done to him. He started with going through the building and then descended the stairs. This time he didn’t count them or think about how long it would take him. Every step brought him closer to Az and that was what mattered. He needed to see his Angel again. Beelzebub would have to kill Crowley to stop him from getting to Az. The Angel didn’t belong here.

As the smiling demon approached, the other demons did one thing, screamed. It didn’t matter how far away they were. Crowley was able to reach them. With each step more screams and yelling began. The darkness grew both around Crowley and on the walls as he descended into hell. Every scream, every step, all of it became Crowley’s salvation. 

Every step was one step closer to Crowley’s Angel. That was until there weren’t anymore demons. They looked through windows and cowered away. The unsettling grin still on Crowley’s tilted face, eyes wide, pupils constricted. A tongue escaped his mouth as his footsteps echoed off the walls chains having somehow become completely silent. 

When was a Demon truly a Demon? When it was cruel? When it was evil or destructive? Crowley had done all of these, he had done all of these. But then when was an Angel truly an Angel? Crowley had been benevolent, he followed orders, he had virtues. One could argue that even in this moment his moral standards were high. He was becoming the hero. Saving the captured princess. The leading lady. His lover. 

It was when Crowley’s fingers felt numb he realized the adrenaline that was pumping through his arteries was fading. The smile only widened showing off his teeth. He’d die in hell a hero trying to save the last true Angel. A human. The shadows curled closer, stretching out as the door kicked inward. This would be his last stand. If they thought of Crowley as a monster. He’d be one. 

Breaths came out more erratic. 

“Where is he?” Crowley grinned, pointing the gun as he walked into the room. 

“Put zzzthe weapon down. And he won’t be harmed,” Beelzebub moved a hand to the top of a blond head that was kneeling at his feet in silver chains. Az had his eyes covered but tears could still be seen that had escaped the blindfold. His wrists were cuffed in front of him, hands clasped together, lips pressed tightly together, as his shoulders shook with unreleased sobs. 

The hiss echoed off the walls only to be met with Beelzebub’s chuckle. 

“I’ve come to like zzzzthis human of yours. He’s soft. And he begszzzz, so prettily for you,” Beelzebub petted the top of Az’s head. The sob that escaped his angel’s lips cut Crowley to his core. Another inhuman demonic snarl escaped Crowley’s mouth. “You were once one of uszzzz. Gave up all of it. And for what, zzzthis?” 

“Touch another hair on his head and,” 

“You will do nothing.” Beelzebub removed his hand and held up a golden ball. “I am going to give you everything, your memorieszzz. I am even giving your toy back.” 

Demons didn’t trust other demons. If something sounded too good to be true odds are it was. Beelzebub just readily wanting to hand over everything Crowley wanted was a high price. They wanted something. Something that would cost Crowley a lot, and Beelzebub was willing to give away all their leverage for it. 

Something was very wrong. Crowley’s guard had reached its max level as he waited for the hammer to fall. Beelzebub wasn’t just a random demon or stupid by any means. Even in their stare down they were both eyeing down what the other was capable of. The lord of hell was capable of almost anything, their only flaw being self preservation. Crowley on the other hand was capable of everything, his flaw, of course, being that he didn’t have self preservation. Why would a man who had lost everything and was on a suicide mission to get it back care for his own life? So that he could actually have his life when he got it back? No. When a person was this panicked, this desperate. They would do anything, no matter the cost. 

“Why.” Crowley asked, breaking the silence, he was curious. It was moments like these that made demons different than Angels. The Angels accepted, the demons questioned. 

“Becausezzz my point has been made.” Beelzebub scoffed and tossed the golden ball at Crowley. 

Catching the ball wasn’t difficult. It was still holding the water gun that made it difficult. Still, somehow the demon managed it and put the gold ball into his pocket. Being flooded with memories at the moment would not have been a good thing. Now was the tricky part, of Beelzebub truly was going to give him back his Angel they would have to get out. Crowley would have to arm his Angel with a water gun and pray they didn’t run into any trouble. 

But getting out was half the battle. Arguably the most important half of the battle is happening right now. The point of all of this. Beelzebub made a point and Crowley did not recognize what the point was. If a test, a point, was happening, if all of this happened for a reason, Crowley did not know why. To make him suffer? To show the hell they could reach out and break him whenever they wanted? That his life was only as free as they let him be? No. Beelzebub didn’t care if Crowley suffered, they didn’t care if Crowley knew their strength or not. This had a different reason to it. 

“What's the point? There hasn’t been a point, just meaningless deaths on both sides. You’ve even lied to the angels to get him here. You made them think I’d agree you could do thisss!” Crowley hissed out at the Lord of Hell. Fingers curled into blonde hair as the hand was placed back onto the top of his Angel’s head. Crowley’s mouth snapped shut. 

“All of it will make sense when you get your memorieszzz back. You are a demon Crawly. The shadowszzz curl around you no matter how far you push themzzz back. We are the Fallen,” Beelzebub leaned back in their chair and shoved Az forward. 

The water gun dropped from his hand quickly as Crowley grabbed Az so he didn’t fall face first into the concrete. His Angel. Az was safe, Crowley was touching him, Crowley had him now and nothing would hurt him. His memories weren’t even on the demon’s mind as he looked to the Angel who was completely out of place. Even Az’s soft, light colored clothing was out of place next to all the demon’s dark clothing. 

“We need to leave angel,” Crowley whispered to Az, who nodded. “Hold on to me okay?”

Az didn’t need to see the walls with the blood, he didn’t need to the other demons. He didn’t need to see the stares the demons gave Crowley. Az didn’t need to see the shadows. The way they curled only for the snake. He didn’t need to see the carnage Crowley had caused. The bodies lying on the floor, the stains of blood, of demons on the ground. His Angel didn’t need to see any of it. 

The demon was painfully aware of what he had done as they walked through the halls. He did this. Killed hundreds of demons all for what, one talk with Beelzebub who just gave him everything he had wanted? The lesson was painfully clear but unneeded. Crowley knew he was a Demon. But now, now he wasn’t sure. If the Lord of Hell didn’t think he knew, then what was Crowley becoming in Beelzebub’s mind. Maybe, maybe Crowley did want to be that. 

Being painfully aware of how many steps you had to take to reach hell was not something Crowley was proud of. But now that he knew he might give the number, one hundred, to a songwriter. They could make something with that. It probably took way more to reach heaven, though not that Crowley would ever know. 

“I am so sorry, I am so sorry,” the apologies poured out of Crowley’s mouth like a man with a dying breath. “This is all my fault I am sorry, this shouldn’t have happened, please forgive me. Sorry,” He untied the makeshift blindfold and it slipped from Az’s red rimmed eyes. The tear stains were on full display now. “This is all my fault.” Crowley’s voice was wrecked, “I understand, if you. If you don’t want me anymore.”

“What?” Az sounded breathy and dumbfounded. “Don’t want you, Crowley I will always want you.” 

Shying away from Crowley’s touch wasn’t intentional, but the hurt look on the demon's face was silenced with a kiss. All of it felt like too much but there with Az’s tongue in his mouth everything felt perfect. This time when Crowley reached out and touched his Angel’s cheek he didn’t move away. He didn’t move away when Crowley undid the chain on his hands either. Az was safe. 

“Please just take me home, but by walking! You drive like a maniac.” Az sighed, moving away, rubbing his wrists. 

“I drive like any sane human!” Crowley scrunched his nose, his glasses appearing on his face. 

“No my dear you went 80 on a public street. You hit a woman on a bicycle.” Az pointed out as they started walking. “And where did you get so many water guns?” 

“I have not hit any woman on a bicycle, that I can remember. So you’re probably right.” Crowley shrugged and pulled the smaller water gun off his hip. “eBay mostly. This is for you. Protect yourself against demons. In case. In case this happens again.” 

“Most people wish for roses, chocolates, or jewelry from their lovers. Mine gives me water guns to protect me from demons. You could just ask me to move in with you.” Az pointed out and Crowley’s face went hot. “Less trouble than you constantly coming around saying demons might be after me.” 

“Well I didn’t think… you would be into that sort of thing.” Crowley asked as they walked out and past a store that was blaring Christmas music. “Ugh what is this? Did someone release a Christmas song while we were in Hell?” It wouldn’t have been the first time that Crowley had lost time being in Hell. 

“Dear!” Az sounded like Crowley had committed a crime against humanity. The demon just raised an eyebrow at the shocked outrage. “This is Ariana Grande! She is what the kids refer to as Swag.”

There were some words that should never be spoken by some people. Az saying ‘Swag’ was one of them. Actually the blonde probably had a very long list of things they shouldn’t say but mostly that had to do with the fact that they didn’t look like they were even from this decade. 

“What happened to Ariana Tall or Ariana Venti? Angel don’t use anything the kids use.” Crowley wasn’t sure who's sake he was telling Az this, for his own or for others. “I am not sure when you would like to make gingerbread houses…” Crowley frowned slightly. 

His flat, if it hadn’t been cleaned, was probably crawling with the local police. Bodies, and a fight tended to bring around people asking questions, Crowley didn’t really want to deal with questions. But he would have to go back to the flat eventually. 

“Well given that apparently I’ve been away from the shop for three days even though it only feels like an hour. Tomorrow sounds promising.” Az smiled and then looked at the golden ball in Crowley’s pocket. “Are you going to use that?” 

“Hm? Oh you mean get my memories back? I’m not sure. Can’t really miss what you don’t remember,” Crowley shrugged pulling the golden ball out. He tossed it upwards and caught it as if it were a hackysack and not something that held centuries of his memories. 

“I think you should,” Az smiled and Crowley’s eyebrows furrowed. “Their yours aren’t they? You’re not curious?” 

“Well yes and I am. But, I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything,” Crowley’s fears didn’t get said out loud. If his memories held a darker side of Crowley, would he like them? Would he like his dark more than his light? Would Az still like him? 

“This is the bookshop…” Az paused at the door. “Tomorrow you’ll come over for gingerbread house making right?” 

“You did say you wanted to do it tomorrow. Although I’m not sure how long it’ll keep,” Crowley could always miracle it to keep. 

“Then we can wait a few days,” Az smiled and nodded walking up the stairs. The bookseller looked back at Crowley. “Are you coming?” 

“If you’d like?” Crowley asked, stepping up the stairs. 

“Always. After you,” Az stepped aside. Crowley stepped up into the book store he needed to find a way to make sure that Az would always be okay, even without the water gun. 

The bookseller disappeared into the back with the water gun Crowley had handed him. The mega canon got put on a table to the side as Crowley sat down in a chair. The demon was hesitant on handing Az a real gun, there were safety protocols to think of. In fact, Crowley couldn’t even picture the man holding a gun, let alone fire one. 

“What’s on your mind?” Az asked suddenly appearing right in front of the demon’s face. 

You.

“What we should do today. Surprisingly your book store seems fine, when you came over I thought,” Crowley’s sentence hung there like the unspoken sentence. He didn’t want to think that Az had come to see him, that the other might have been worried. The worst thought was that Az had come to him for help. That Az had been attacked and came to the one place he could think of, Crowley. Not the police, or anyone else, he came to find a demon. Az wanted a demon to be his savior. 

“Oh, well I hadn’t seen you in a few days… I thought,” he turned away going into the back Crowley following. “I thought that you might have been in trouble.” 

Trouble. Az had been worried about him, he truly didn’t deserve the gorgeous human that stood in front of him. When Az turned cups in hand Crowley placed his lips on the Angel’s own. 

Demon’s liked to think they were incapable of love, but Az would have been able to feel differently in this moment. Crowley’s lips moved slowly against the blonde’s own. It was every word Crowley wanted to tell him but couldn’t. I’m sorry, thank you, this was my fault, it’ll never happen again, I care for you, you are perfect, you are mine.  _ I love you _ . If you had asked Crowley what love was centuries ago he would have told you that it wasn’t anything. Last century he would have told you something different. He would have told you that love was an old bookshop and a blonde man. 

This Crowley didn’t think of things like love. 

“Stay with me tonight,” Az breathed out as Crowley took a step back. They both needed this, they need to not be alone. If they were alone then one of them would do something rash. Being together would be better in the long run. Az needed Crowley as much as Crowley needed Az. 

“Okay,” Crowley nodded, agreeing quickly to the Angel’s request. 

Tonight, this Crowley wasn’t going to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
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>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
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	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing, and new people are introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am tired hopefully we good.
> 
> I own nothing, unedited (We fall like Crowley), all that jazz. Comment, Kudo/Like, Subscribe/Reblog, and Enjoy~!

Shopping for gingerbread house supplies ended up being a lot harder than Crowley initially thought it would be. But he was getting them for Az Fell, and the blonde did seem to like things in one particular way. The amount of candy Crowley had bought alone had him questioning Az’s choices. Then, of course, came the call, ‘My dear.’ Oh Crowley loved hearing the words ‘My Dear’ on Az’s lips. He asked for more icing colors, more cookies, specifically smaller ones he could use as decoration. Crowley wondered how much Az was planning to build with all the sweets he had bought. 

Instead of Christmas music, he stood in line wondering why the hell the store was playing ‘Somebody to Love’ by queen instead of Christmas music. Silently Crowley started cursing the woman who was paying in front of him with what looked like 5,000 coupons. When another aisle opened up he immediately jumped on it and placed down all the sugar confectionery. Az was waiting for him, and the other might have already started baking the cookies. 

The Angel owned an apron… Crowley had discovered that when they were talking about baking before he left. The demon was going to try and get the Angel naked under that apron as they made cookies. 

With the supplies bought, Crowley headed over to the bookshop. The demon drove faster than usual picturing Az naked in an apron. Oh how the demon hoped it would be something cute and frilly. Something more suited for a french maid’s costume than an actual chef. He could just imagine Az’s pale skin touching the lace contrasted to the black. Even if the apron was just a regular apron, seeing a big bow over Az’s rear would be exciting. 

“We are closed!” Az yelled from inside the shop. 

“Just me Angel,” Crowley smiled walking in. The back held a full kitchen where they would be making cookies and Gingerbread houses. 

“Crowley,” Az smiled holding a spoon in one of his hands all his clothing, sadly, on. The apron was just a regular white apron which he also tied in the front. “I just finished mixing all the ingredients to make cookies. The gingerbread houses can also get their walls iced on but we should let them dry afterwards.” 

“Alright. What cookies are we making?” Crowley asked, setting down bags of confectionery and looking at the bowl where the dough to the cookies sat. 

“Just sugar cookies. First let’s put the walls on the gingerbread houses. Here I put some fondant on two cutting boards so we can use them to make our houses.” Az showed the two cutting boards. “Alright you shouldn’t need that much white icing either so here is your bag of it and we have to be careful.” 

Crowley wasn’t careful. He used more icing than he should have and just plastered his walls together until they stuck together. It was still a house, but it wasn’t clean like Az’s was. The Angel’s gingerbread house looked nothing like Crowley’s own he had used the icing on the inside so all the walls were stuck together and it looked like he hadn’t used any icing. Crowley also wondered where the hell had Az gotten shutters for his windows. The other must have made some gingerbread and cut it into small pieces while Crowley was gone. All around though Az’s looked much better than Crowley’s.

“Crowley!” Az frowned slightly looking at the Demon’s house. “Yours looks messy…” 

“The house and I had artistic differences,” Crowley grinned looking at the thick icing connecting the house together. The demon’s eyes stared at Az who’d gotten icing on his cheek. 

“Well you can probably put stuff on the sides… You need to be careful though,” Az sighed. Crowley moved closer and took Az’s face in both his hands. “What?” the bookseller asked cautiously. 

The demon’s snake tongue slipped out and licked up icing that had gotten on Az’s cheek. Crowley dropped his hands from Az’s face and licked his lips grinning at the blonde whose face turned red. Az looked like he wanted to say something, but the words hung in the air unsaid as Crowley grinned, still tasting the vanilla royal icing on his tongue. A taste wouldn’t make him too sleepy, like most food would. 

“You’re delicious Angel,” Crowley grinned adding on to the other’s embarrassment. 

“Let’s just make the sugar cookies,” Az puffed out his still red cheeks turning back to the work space. “I have cookie cutters in the shape of trees, stars, bells, snowmen, snowflakes, reindeer and gingerbread men.” 

“No Angels?” Crowley asked, looking at the cookie cutters as Az rolled out the sugar cookie dough. 

“Of course not. You shouldn’t eat angels.” Az huffed getting another pan ready for them to put in the oven to make the cookies. 

“What if I want to eat you Angel?” Crowley asked his hands coming to Az’s waist. 

“Idiot we are making cookies and then we have to finish the gingerbread houses.” Az started cutting out cookies with the cookie cutters.

Of all the things Crowley figured would have ruined his chances of getting Az naked in the kitchen, food was not one of them. The demon thought for sure the bookseller would have said no because of cleanliness or that they wouldn’t have enough time. Food being the reason he wasn’t indulging himself in his lover was not expected. Much to Crowley’s dismay he ended up cutting out a few cookies as trees and stars instead of divulging himself in what he really wanted, Angel cake. Which in his mind was more Angel cheeks than cake at all. Crowley also wanted to make one Angel and miracled a cookie cutter and put the angel on the pan.

“I thought we agreed no angels?” Az asked, frowning at the one angel cookie. 

“Yes, but if you knew Gabriel you’d want to break off his wings and eat his head too,” Crowley grinned. The demon’s lover sighed smiling softly and shook his head at the other’s antics. “Can I have some Angel cakes now?”

“I don’t have any angel food cake?” Az furrowed his eyebrows confused, leaning over to put the cookies in the oven. 

“I think your angel cakes are perfect.” Crowley’s grin widened as he placed his hands on Az’s rear the blonde standing up immediately. “Come on Angel… just a taste?”

“Crowley!” 

The demon suddenly found himself longing. He could feel himself next to the very same human who was saying his name for a very different reason. The panic felt like it was sweeping him away. He had a plan. There was always a back up plan and he wanted to go to a different planet. But he had to bring the Angel, the Angel would come with him. Except he didn’t. His Angel didn’t want to leave and he couldn’t just leave him here. Not with everything that was happening. 

What was happening? 

“Crowley?” Az’s hands were on his cheeks. Crowley moved his hand upwards to hold it. “Are you alright? Did you end up getting your memories back?” 

“No,” Crowley answered and smiled, leaning in to kiss Az softly. “Who needs them?” the demon joked slightly.

They talked about his memories a few times. Crowley explained that the golden ball would open and flood him with the memories that had been taken from him. But it ended when Az would ask why didn’t Crowley want

them. 

“You do. They’re yours, you saved me and got them. Aren’t you curious?” Az asked, and Crowley frowned slightly. “Alright… would you like to continue making the gingerbread houses?” 

“Yes.” 

The air felt heavy as they got back to their houses. Az was meticulous as he piped and placed every candy in the perfect way and created designs out of frosting on his house. The bookstore owner even created little trees outside his house along with icicles on the roof. If Az’s was a perfect gingerbread house Crowley’s was the opposite. Through sheer will the house was standing even if the roof had caved in and the walls had cracks in them. Crowley added way too much green on his flooring and too much red on the walls. Each kit had two gingerbread men Az had given his cute little clothing, while Crowley broke his in half and fed one to the dinosaur that was breaking out of the house. 

“What happened!” Az asked worried looking at the disaster that was Crowley’s gingerbread house. “I looked away for one second!” 

“I think it looks marvelous, see I added blood to the gingerbread man too,” Crowley grinned, satisfied with himself. 

“I suppose it technically is good,” Az sighed looking at the gingerbread house. An alarm went off, “The cookies!” Az shouted and quickly went to pull them out of the oven. 

“Are we decorating these ones now too?” Crowley asked, leaving the two gingerbread houses on the table. 

“Of course not! They need to cool down before we put frosting on them.” Az explained by looking at the pan and waving a hand over it. “Then we can decorate them.”

“Angel I don’t think that is going to cool them off,” Crowley smiled and grabbed Az’s hand. “I know what we can do to pass the time though.” 

“Tell me why you don’t want your memories?” Az asked and Crowley’s smile stayed on his face but was fake. “They are your memories, they belong to you.” 

“Angel,” Crowley paused Az from getting more worked up. “What if they change me?” 

“You will still be you. I will still be here. What if there’s something there that you do like? That it changes you for the better?” Az asked, and Crowley sighed, stepping away and looking at the leftover frosting. 

“And what if it doesn’t? What if I’m still a demon? What if my very presence is a threat to you?” Crowley asked, pulling off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “What if you end up in more trouble because I remember who I am?” 

“Who you are will always be the same person,” Az whispered walking forward closing the gap between the two of them. “You will always be the demon I love. I love you Crowley. Memories or not I will always love you.” 

“Angel…” Crowley looked deep into the blue eyes that stared at him. “I love you too. Satan, I love you.” The snake breathed out relieved. 

Az pressed forward, placing his lips on Crowley’s own. The demon hadn’t ever admitted his feelings yet to himself let alone out loud. Everything felt okay though, Crowley felt perfect with his lips against Az’s own tongues intertwined. All his doubts about his memories or not being able to love were removed with only good thoughts. Memories forgotten, and love, how could it be bad if it felt so good. 

Love was not inherently evil or good, and Crowley was not either. 

Hands started rushing as they pulled at clothing. This time through heated kisses and pulling at clothing, they somehow made their way upstairs. When they were officially naked they were in bed. 

Crowley loved his Angel’s skin all of it smooth and soft despite the book sellers being hard in contrast. The demon loved everything about his lover. The small gasp that came with Crowley taking the other’s cock in his mouth. He loved feeling hands in his short hair as he licked softly. Lube he needed lube. 

“Drawer, right side. Please! Hurry,” Az’s flushed face begged the demon as they looked at each other in the eyes. Crowley moved quickly upwards, opening the drawer and grabbing the bottle. His angel moved kissing Crowley’s shoulder hands moving lower and wrapping around both of Crowley’s cocks. “Let me,” Az took the bottle and opened it. He poured a bit of lube on Crowley’s fingers and laid down. 

“Oh you are a dream Angel.” Crowley moved over Az fingers slowly moving into the Angel and stretching. “I am going to eat all of you some day, you are perfect, so beautiful.” Crowley wanted to continue but Az moaned loudly, blushing and looking away from the demon. 

“More, I want to take all of you today,” Az blushed looking away from the demon. 

Crowley’s heart stuttered hearing those words as his cocks leaked more precum. He needs to be slow about this. The demon nodded, adding another finger, drinking up the noises that Az made. Soft gasps and hushed moans as he tries to keep his voice soft. The sucked breaths were the demon’s favorites. Those were the ones that escaped Az’s mouth when Crowley touched him just right as they kissed. 

“Angel you are beautiful,” Crowley whispered into the other’s ear. 

“ ‘M ready. I know I am.” Az gasped moving off of Crowley’s fingers and flipping their positions. 

“Are you sure?” Crowley asked, cautiously. He didn’t want to say that Az wasn’t ready but the other wasn’t as ready as he could be.

“Yes.” Az’s hand quickly wrapped around both of Crowley’s cocks and the Angel slowly lowered himself down. 

His angel was right. Az was ready and the tight, comfortable, tight heat almost had Crowley seeing the very stars he created. With Az on top of him, Crowley had no choice but to just enjoy everything given to him. Az lowered and raised to his pace adjusting and making sure that everything was good for only him. It was glorious. Sweat dripped down his body and Crowley raised slightly to lick at the man’s chest and to his neck sucking hard as he thrusted his hips upward to match Az. 

“Yes!” Az shouted, “right there!” the moans spilled out of the Angel’s mouth. 

With every drop met with a thrust it didn’t take long for a rhythm to set in. Open-mouthed kisses were shared along with moans and sucking of necks. Crowley brought a hand up to squeeze Az’s breast who whimpered slightly at the pressure. All of this was building to one thing. With pleasure increasing once again and whispers of ‘I’m close,’ spilling out of their mouths a hand was moved. 

“Yes! Please, please, please,” Az begged as Crowley started moving his hand up and down Az’s own cock. “Oh god please so close! CROWLEY!” Az shouted as a thumb went over the tip. 

The demon groaned loudly feeling the hot pressure he’d been feeling tighten. He quickly slowed his thrusting, feeling the wave of pressure being released. The wave let him see the dark fabric of the universe he’d weaved stars into. Each bright, beautiful gas ball all producing its own white light. They all paled to the light that Az gave off. The curtains must have moved with the amount of light that back lit the book store owner. 

The blonde breathed heavily falling forward and Crowley moved him so he was lying down. The snake cuddled up to the Angel and felt a breeze go by, the window was open. He’d have to close that later but it also explained the light. Az was always so gorgeous in the light. Even now Crowley felt all his love and affection pouring out as they cuddled together.

Az was truly an Angel. 

Crowley yawned and cuddled closer to Az. The blonde smiled and ran a hand through the Demon’s red hair. Words went unsaid in the silence, they both could feel happy, relieved, this was the first time they’d been intimate since the incident and no one would take this away from them. Saying I told you I could take both would have been too much for Crowley at the moment and Az knew that. That didn’t mean the demon wouldn’t be thinking about this for years to come.

“When you're ready we can go decorate cookies,” Crowley hissed, not moving from where he hugged Az’s side. 

“We could always save it for tomorrow?” Az suggested looking down at Crowley, who looked up. “If you’re okay with that?” 

“If you want to,” Crowley shifted so they were lying side by side. “Do you care?” Crowley asked softly. “If I never remember the rest of my past?” 

“Yes,” Az sighed turning putting a hand on Crowley’s cheek. “I care because you will.”

“No I won’t.” the demon was adamant as he spoke quickly. He said the words with such conviction Az flinched backward slightly. “It’s okay, I’m sorry.” 

“You will dear,” Az moved closer, putting his other hand on Crowley’s other cheek. “It’s been how many years without them and you’d been thinking about them constantly. Now that you have them… You aren’t thinking about it. It’s in reach and you, if you open it you would get to know what your missing.”

“But I might lose you, what if I’m not the same person. I’m not human, I’ll remember horrible things I’ve done.” Crowley leaned upwards, sitting in the bed blanket pooling at his waist. First clenched and teeth bared, he continues his snake tongue flicking out. “You won’t like me, I won’t be the sss, same!” 

“Why do they have to be bad?” Az asked sitting up arms curling around Crowley’s chest hands splayed upwards as Az leaned his chest on Crowley’s back. “Why can’t they be good memories?”

“Why would I get my good memories taken away from me?” Crowley asked, turning his head to look over his shoulder. 

Az gave a small smile and kissed Crowley's shoulder softly. They knew the answer, why would Hell take Crowley’s bad memories. The bad memories held him leading platoons, they held war, and him tempting people into sins, including every time he was in hell, minus one bath. His bad memories were the ones of when he was a good demon. 

“You deserve to be happy too.” 

The words meant too much to Crowley. More than it would to most people. The demon had been told over, and over, and over, that he would die alone. That he didn’t deserve to be happy, that he was a horrible being. He was the snake who tempted Eve in the garden, snakes were then considered awful beings. Everything bad was a demon’s fault, his fault. Humans suffered because of the demon who tempted Eve. It was his fault everything wasn’t peaceful. All over eating a single apple.

“Fell! Smells good did you bake? I did some research on your problem and I have a plan, oh Newt is here too!” a woman yelled and Az gasped, quickly getting out of bed. 

“Who’s that?” Crowley asked curiously, watching as the Angel quickly try and get dressed. 

“Anathema Device and her, I think they are dating, boyfriend Newton Pulsifer.” Az explained as he started buttoning up his shirt. “Come down say hello, they’ll be glad to see you again.” 

“They will?” Crowley asked, tilting his head. The demon couldn’t remember ever meeting anyone named Anathema or Newton. 

“Of course. Get dressed.” Az went to a mirror and started tying his tie. Crowley snapped his fingers clothing appearing on his body as he got up. Taking the bow tie in his hands from behind he felt Az’s fingers retreat as he tied the tie. “You miracled your clothing on?”

“Well they are coming up the stairs,” Crowley shrugged. 

“Azira- oh!” The dark-haired woman blinked, looking at Crowley, confused. 

“Azira?” Crowley looked confused at Az who blushed shrugging. “So what’s this problem? Maybe I can help? Celestial being and all.” In most situations human’s problem's could be solved with a single miracle. 

“There isn’t a problem and yes there are cookies down stairs,” Az smiled quickly walking to the door and past the two newcomers. “How are the two of you? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Oh, this is Anthony J. Crowley. He’s my boyfriend.” 

“Boyfriend? I thought they were,” Anathema’s elbow went into Newton’s stomach. The man rubbed his stomach and lightly glared at the woman who looked on innocently following Az and Crowley down stairs. “Is this about the problem?” 

“What problem angel?” Crowley asked, curiously looking at Az. These humans seemed to know something he didn’t.

“No problem, just trying to wrap something up tickeyboo.” Az commented again, putting the gingerbread cookies on a plate and giving the finished ones to Anathema and Newton. “How are you two? Did you set a date?” 

“Well yes. But, we wanted you to come, and we weren’t sure if your partner would come?” Anathema asked, looking at Crowley before smiling at Az. 

“He will,” Az nodded to her and she nodded back. 

“He will?” Crowley asked and Az turned to smile at the snake. 

“You will. It’ll be a lovely wedding you’ll like it.” The words wedding and like had never been something Crowley liked. Crowley didn’t particularly like weddings even if he had been to a few. Some of them were fun, Crowley was especially fond of the ones that were interrupted because someone had been unfaithful. It was better than finding out your spouse was a cheater while you were already married. 

“Will he?” Newton made a gesture to his head and Crowley glared at the man who flinched backward slightly. 

“Yes,” Az sounded more confident in his answer than he ever had answering anything else. “Did you want something to drink?” 

“How do you know? What if something goes wrong? I could consult the,” Az turned to Anathema who shut her mouth quickly. The look on Az’s face went from, shut up or I’ll hurt you, to his casual smile in less than a second. 

Now Crowley is not an idiot in the slightest. He might be a bit paranoid and a bit difficult at times. But, time gave you wisdom. And wisdom helped in not being an idiot. Obviously they were talking about Crowley, and with Newton’s gesture to his head, Crowley knew. This was about his memories. And they knew something he didn’t. 

“You told them,” Crowley whispered softly. His eyes never left Aziraphale. 

“Only in the beginning! I told them you had memory loss and, and Anathema is a witch so she could help! But then with… it got more complicated.” Aziraphale quickly tried to explain himself, stepping closer to Crowley. “Anthony. I love you. I wanted to help you, is that so bad?” 

“Weddings are horrible things,” Az visibly flinched at Crowley’s words. “A witch getting married,” Crowley scoffed, “it’d be even worse if you were marrying a witch killer.” 

“Technically I’ve never killed a witch. I’m just a witch finder.” Newton piped up Crowley, raising an eyebrow. This was too much. All of them were crazy and Crowley was as old as time. 

“Good luck on your wedding,” Crowley snorted going to the door. A witch marrying a witch finder was the same as a witch marrying a witch killer. Why they were even getting married was something Crowley couldn’t comprehend. 

“Anthony! Crowley!” Az followed after the demon who stopped in his tracks. “Please, this. I, I can explain everything. Just come back.” 

“I’ll see you on Christmas. We have to swap gifts right?” Crowley put on his coat and pushed open the door. 

“R, right,” Az sighed dropping his outstretched hand slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> LLF Comment Builder
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> Author Responses:  
> This author replies to comments.  
> This author sees and appreciates all comments, but will not reply on request with Whisper.
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End file.
